I am the only child and burned out from taking care of my ill Father. Any other only children out there?

I am also an only child taking care of my 95 yr. old mother. I had always promised her that I would take care of her and I took early retirement in order to devote more time for the task. I am a senior myself (65) and have health issues. We sold our homes and bought one home in another state to be near relatives, who are great help to me. She has always been mean and self-centered and is now exhibiting strong signs of dementia. I talked with her doctor and he prescribed a mild sedative (QUETIAPINE) which she refuses to take because he didn't discuss it with her first. She uses a walker and is able to take care of her personal needs, but constantly whines and complains about not being able to do things she used to do without help. Although it was her idea to sell her home, she now says it wasn't and she never agreed to live with me. She wants all of the money back that she contributed to he purchase of the new home says a nursing home would be better that living with me. I cook clean, pay all of the bills and buy all of the food taxes and maintenance. She constantly accuses me of stealing her money, clothes and personal items and has called the police several times. She insisted that I remove her file cabinet from the home office and put it in her room because, according to her, I was stealing important papers, bank statements, etc. out of it. When it was placed in her room, she immediately took everything out of the locked cabinet and all of her important papers are "filed" in the middle of the floor in her room for everyone to see. She sleeps with her door locked, so I can't go in and steal anything from her. When she allows me in to clean her bathroom, she stands and watches me, but I still get accused of stealing from her. She misplaced her house key and stole mine, along with my car keys. She denies this and complains she doesn't have a house key. Although I'm tempted to let her leave, she's still my mother and I love her. She is getting worse every week and says she will leave if I sell the house and give her money back. I put out a lot of money and that would leave me with no place to go and I'm not willing to do this without a court order. Just needed to vent and I find this site to be a lifesaver when I read about others going to the same things. You guys help me to see my mom's symptoms as classic and I try not to let her get me down.

ClCabin-- what is the prognosis for your Dad? Is it possible to place your Dad inpatient in the Hospice Unit or Hospice Hospital for a while, so that everyone gets a little break? Ask the hospice Social Worker about options and explain your circumstances, it sounds like everybody could use a break, and that your Auntie and Uncle are probably older too,! It's probably equally difficult for them as well. Caregiving is not for e everyone for sure, and you are being stretched too thin. Also, being it's summertime, your kids are old enough to be able to be helping outaround the A&U's house, doing ooutdoor chores, and although you will find resistance, it does build character, and if done with te proper finesse and incentives, they will eventually come to see the sacrifices you are doing and learn from it! Praise them for their efforts, but a good old sit down explaining your heartache and frustration in dealing with end of life care is such an important life lesson, and they might really step up and learn from your devoted involvement! A lot of understanding that they too are slowly loosing their Grandpa is hard for teenagers, and some counseling for them, may well be in order. I hope some of my suggestions help you, and God bless you in your caregivers journey. And keep coming back, as this blog is a wealth of information, and support for you and your family and be sure to have your FMLA paperwork in order with your employer, to maintain your benefits, and your position for when you return to work. Support groups your Social Worker can suggest may help as well. Have a conversation about what other benefits they can supply you with too! They are there to help transition the family through this process as well! Many here are in the same shoes, frustrated and at their wit's end but you will get through it! Take care of yourself and the Auntie and uncles too, you guys are a team, and "your Angels" it takes a village, if you are lucky enough to have one! STACEY B

I am an only child with my Mom bedridden in my home on hospice. I have my husband and the nurses to help. I know all is put on me, but I often hear stories from the nurses, friends, etc. how siblings turn tail and run, or even worse they fight with the sibling that is doing all the caregiving. It is very hard being the sole caregiver at times because my Mom is 24/7, and 92 with multiple health problems, and has been bedridden for nearly a year now.She cannot stand let alone walk. Not only is this going on, but then other things come up to stress me out as life and it's problems go on despite the caregiving. Sometimes I like the solitude when my work is done for the moment and I have a few minutes to myself as it lets me have time to think and process all the horrible things that have happened so I can move forward and continue my job of caregiving. I take things one day at a time...never more than a week at a time at most. I have found that the only people that really truly understand what I am going through are the amazing other caregivers on this site.

l'm not an only child but might as well have been.for the last three yrs i've been the only caregiver for my mom and dad...my dad passed away sept. 2014 so i have had to completely move in with my mom,she is 81 and early stages of dementia. i am so burned out some days i just cry all day. i am responsible for taking care of everything,house work all finances paying bills..im trying to run two households and my health is starting to go down hill.thank goodness my kids are grown and married..i just found this site and need to find out if any type of services are offered..i really need a support group so to ramble on but thank goodness i know now im not alone in this awful journey

I am only one who even wants to be around my mom who has a dementia diagnois for the last 10 years. My brother refuses to be any part of this and advised me not to either. Just want you to know you are not along. We are all in this together. This is a place of support. I am sometimes at peace and sometimes not. Each day is a challenge. Take one day at a time one moment at a time. I pray this helps. Sending hugs.

I I have 2 brothers but they are invisable and dont lift a finger to help in any way.I am the only daughter to help my very modest Mother..Its hard work but she was always there for me and I believe it is the right thing to do.Hang in there...

Sometimes, when you have a very needy elder that is the number one focus in your life, the kids learn that they are #2 and they resent it. From your frazzled state....dealing with work, guilt, family...it is easy just to let your kids raise themselves. But...THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE BOSS! It may raise your stress level for a day or 2, but you need to communicate to your kids what kind of behavior you expect out of them in a "take no prisoners" manner. They may need more of your oversight and focused attention.

Thank goodness you have such good help for your father! Maybe you and your kids can enjoy days off together and then work as a team to offer days off for your aunt and uncles.

I am an only as well. I have a brother but he hasn't called in almost 2 years. I not only take care of my 89 year old father, but I also have two sons and a husband. This is NOT what my life was supposed to be like at 51. I have NO life and feel like a prisoner. At least you have family that are caring for him so I don't understand why you feel so burnt out.

I'm an only. Took care of mom for a year til she passed. She couldn't walk without me right behind her...couldn't dress herself, wash, get in bed...not much of anything. It was very difficult.

What I'm not understanding is this...it sounds as though your aunt and uncle are caring for him, living with him 24/7. What am I missing as to what YOU are so burned out?