How do you deal with the loneliness of being a 24/7 caregiver of an elderly parent?

Allison, My son is 21, too. It's pretty normal to be self centered at 21. I want him to enjoy his life, but I know what you mean. My parents really get me down. They are completely self centered due to dementia. I am lonely and isolated, but even worse are their constant demands and requests, the scary obsessions about money or stealing when they misplace something and trying to calm them. This gets me upset and really hurts my feelings because they are suspicious of everyone who is close to them. To cheer myself up I read novels, try to get out for a walk, even if it's just to the corner drugstore, watch a good tv show, take a bubble bath, listen to 80's or country music, gab on the phone with an old friend about the drama in their life takes my mind off my problems. I love the One day at at a time that Katie suggested and Richard Simmons made me smile years ago when he said to get off the pity pot. They upset me tonight questioning me about their money worries and it took me about an hour to calm down. That's pretty good.

Allison, I am having a rough couple of days too, rougher than usual mentally. I just try to go through my chores and do the best I can and take it one day at a time. I wonder sometimes if I am doing enough, but I guess I am trying my best and that is what counts. It is hard to not get tired and discouraged at times. It helps to stay hydrated well and to grab some rest while you can. Tomorrow is another day and I will face these challenges all over again, but it will give me an opportunity to try to do the best I can again. One day at a time.

I have been feeling depressed pretty down for a few days. I am truly grateful for this website because I feel like you all are family numbers here.

I caring for my mother 24/7 around clock and I feel like I am lost, exhausted and my life is over. I tell myself I have to be strong for her and myself. ( i have a daughter who is twenty one years old. She is living with her boyfriend, And she very self center, she does not help us out at all)My mom her condition is not getting any better at this time. Lately she is delusion and disoriented, moreover she has also suffering from a scoliosis( curvature in her spinal, can't walk for a long, she walks no more than 5 or 10 minutes) My current situation affected on my emotional well being which made me sadden. I am hopeless and I wanted to better care for my mother and I am doing the best I can. But I feel I am not good enough and feeling inadequate. Does anyone go through similar circumstances and how to cope with all these stresses? Any suggestions and advises I would greatly appreciated it. I would like to Thank you for all of you, it means a lot to me. Especially yoga girl, Katie, Geebee and thank you all.

Allison, Hope you are feeling better. I read your earlier post and wanted to respond, but was exhausted from all the demands of my parents. I first came on this site for mother and stayed for me. I have found the kindness, tips, and occasional wake up calls to be a great help and comfort to me. I was really down in the dumps one day last week, and saw something on Facebook about a beautiful young girl who was horribly burned while running a marathon in a flash fire. That snapped me out of it. I started to count my blessings! I am a real mind over matter, power of positive thinking person, but some days really get me down. If it ever got real bad, I wouldn't hesitate to get professional help and hope you would too.

Yes I must agree it's the loneliness and the isolation that I find so difficult. I'm caring for My Mom Who is two and a half years into Alzheimer's, and it's very tough going at times. Wannek said it very well and I agree totally, I would rather be here 24/7 with Mom doing My utmost now, because when Mom's suffering is over I want to have a clear conscience, and know in My Heart that I did My level best to help and assist My Mom through this awful illness.

Geebee, it sounds like everything just kind of "happened" without you having a minute to even think of options. And I can sure see how the old childhood patterns and memories resurface. The half-healed wounds..with my mom it was the constant criticism and yelling and hurry up, hurry up, hurry up for no reason..

Well, make that first call to an Area Agency on Aging and please believe us that no one is supposed to try to do 24/7/365 care solo. You'd think the hospice social worker would realize you need a little more help than 2 hours a week(and I'm betting that you are there for those 2 hours anyways...); maybe if the nurse or aid who comes out has just not thought of that, contacting them would be a first option as well. Are you privy to enough financial info/have enough control to decide to fund some respite for you? Is Medicaid a possibility?

Geebee i feel for you. I'm sure many on here will offer advice as to how to get respite care. I want to offer my ear and. ..hugs xo

I am horribly depressed and I feel like my life is over. I care for my father 24/7 who receives hospice 'care' which amounts to about two hours total each week. There is no support for me, the primary caregiver. My mother is in rehab recovering from a fall/hip surgery. It was expected of me to do this for my parents even though they did not do the same for their parents. There was never a discussion about their plans in the event of these circumstances. I am expected to provide care 24/7, without a break, without support for myself. I feel used and abused today. I feel that this arrangement is just a continuation of my childhood where nothing was ever discussed and I was expected to keep quiet and not bother my parents with anything. I feel abandoned, homeless, alone, abused, painfully lonely and hopeless-- just as I did as a child.

Allison, I am an only child too, taking care of my bedridden Mom 24/7. At first I felt really depressed but then realized I had better try to take care of myself for my Mom's sake and for my future as well. I meditate quite a bit and sit in my garden if even for a few brief moments. I try to exercise a bit even if it is the last thing I feel like doing and always feel good after I do. The other caregivers on this website have gotten me through some very rough times and many bad days as these are some of the strongest people you will ever encounter in your life. I do believe that after caregiving...any other job would be a cake walk and that we are getting stronger each day we do this.

The way I deal with it is by constantly reminding myself 1) this is for a period of time, although no clue how long 2) i will live with myself 'after' knowing I'm doing the right thing and everything i can for my parents 3) one day too soon they won't be here :( 4) try to make the most of any free time. But all in all i too am very lonely but now we have a new friend that gets it! :)

Allison, one thing you can do if you get away is to join your local recreation center program if your city has one. Cities set up gyms and exercise classes for people who pay the membership fee -- usually small. These are excellent places to meet and chat with people. And you get your exercise at the same time. Many times the rec centers are at the city parks. Membership fee is small, unlike the gyms we see advertized. And the people are really normal looking. They come there for the same reason we do.

I just would like to thank you Jude and college for your excellent advices and an emotional support.
It means so much to me..
I felt all alone and hopeless until I found this web page has
Comfort me so much. I used to work as a full time work
And had friends before now I am stucked with my mother. I loss of contact with my friends and feel so isolated. This web site is like a family..
Thank you for sharing
Your story and your encouragement.

just to say I cared for my hubby six years now he is in care and I see him four times a week 5 hours each visit for a year and half its taken its toll on me and now I wished I took time for me which I am now doing but its taken along time and I am still not 100 per cent so I would defo take time out for urself remember if they are in care they are safe and being fed and watered and you need all the friends you can get and help from the alz soc so go for it xx

Allison, I am an only child and my Father passed on 36 yrs ago from massive heart attack at 65. He had never been sick before. After that Momma became my dependent. She helped a lot with our three girls. She started slowing down about 15 yrs ago. Then she quit walking Feb 2nd 2013, since then it has been rough. I had to quit working and became 24/7 with her. Four months later my husband was diagnosed with dementia. We are all burned out and take one day at a time. I get one of my daughters to sit with Mom and I get things we need once a week. I take my husband with me. I get 12 hours a month respite and the rest of the time I need help I pay for a home health aid. It gets expensive so I have to be careful and budget. Welcome to the Family of Caregivers. We have good days and bad days and I pray a lot. I am a lot older than you, I am 68 now and my Mother is 94. But we all want our life back in the future if we make it. Jude gave you some good information, take care of your health first. Lots of hugs!

Yep Allison a lot of us do and like you we are all burned out too but you must see to your own health first - if you fall really ill who will care - respite is essential and if you can get mum to a day centre once a week it would help too. You need to see a doc for that depression - it won't get better on its own hun xxx If you don't have a break you will break so sort it - see that as your goal and work towards it. Try your local charities - I have no idea of your financial status or your mums but in the event money is a challenge try the church they may be able to help too

Does anyone here as an only child and have to do
Everthing for 24/7 and have no life of own your own?
I feel I am totally burn out and feeling of hopeless and depressed..
I don't know how long I have to care for my frail
Mom, who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease.
I am in my forties and i feel like I am missing out so much in my like. My mother is in her late 80s.

I come on here and rant and rave and trust me this is the best family you can ever have - love em

Well, try setting up a Facebook group and ask for volunteers to cover certain things or come over for occasions that you can come up with. Pizza party, movie night, whatever you can come up with. I've seen it work for cancer care...getting rides to chemo, babysitting, etc. Some people use CaringBridge but FB can be more immediate.

You also find websites like this to make cyberfriends; you can do it while your parent is sleeping.

Family and friends may not visit for a few reasons, one of which is they just don't know what to say or do when they visit. They may feel awkward.

You ask the MD to assign aides or a visiting nurse, so you can get a break. You can't take care of anyone 24/7 for very long without crashing physically and emotionally. You call those friends/relatives and ask " Can you stay with mom while I go out?" and set up a schedule.