Accused of fraud. What do I do?

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indisbelief Asked August 2015

Accused of fraud. What do I do?

I left my job to bring my Alzheimer's mother in and care for her. At this time she told me that she would cover my utilities and car payments until she / we figured out a plan for her. She ended up declining quickly and was put in a memory care unit. My siblings asked me to remain available / on call for mom, when they had problems with her at the facility and needed a family member to go there, transportation to and from appointments, etc. So I did. My mother recently made some improvements with changes in medication and is back home with my stepfather. Now she says she never made that agreement with me, she doesn't remember even staying with me for that period of time, basically lost like 3 months of memory, remembers nothing from that period. So she went to her bank and had all of the payments reversed, so I now have 3 months due on each bill that she had paid and then had the payments reversed (months after the fact.). I don't understand how the bank could do that but anyway that's the least of my concerns. She now is not speaking to me. It is my understanding that to get payments reversed like that you have to claim fraud, so now I'm like okay am I going to be charged with a crime because she doesn't remember making the agreement? And I know how it sounds and looks because there are a lot of cases where the Alzheimer's person is scammed and taken advantage of, but this is not one of them. My siblings say they don't know anything about it and don't want to be involved. Seriously? Yeah, none of you wanted to take care of her and I stepped up and left my job and everything to do so, and now you don't want to be involved? I am mortified that I may be charged with a crime. And beyond words about the whole situation in general.

Frauds & Scams

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score 0 · Answer 1

Get a lawyer--a good one. An aggressive one. If you don't, you stand to lose much. After 11 years of caring for Mom (without the help of my 3 greedy siblings), losing my job, relationship and health due to exhaustion, I was blindsided, accused of elder financial abuse and kicked out of the home I shared with and where I cared for Mom. I was homeless and must reinvent my life at 61 years old. In less than 6 months, the sibs have gone through nearly $100k of her money. They have spread horrible lies, which have caused me to lose work and ruined my reputation among those who don't know the truth. If you were unfortunate and didn't keep copious records--start now! Gather every piece of evidence you can. Protect yourself at all costs. Sound jaded? If I can save one person from the h*ll I've been through, I will have done some good.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Are you certain she was successful in reversing those payments? Anyway..three months of utilities and car payments...what does that add up to? You can have an attorney bill at $1500 pretty fast to be able to deal with that. Going to the bank to flag a charge as fraud is not the same as filing a charge on someone for fraud. I would just create a good record of what those payments were and how they were made, and not do anything else for the moment. If you had POA you were in better standing overall, if not then I wish you had. A person can also get a limited POA just for using a bank account by working with the bank, and maybe you had that at least? This is certainly an interesting case.

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score 1 · Answer 3

Get a lawyer--an aggressive one. If you didn't keep records because you didn't think you needed to, try as best as you can to remember details. Be firm in your position. Get friends and colleagues as witnesses. Good luck to you.

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score 1 · Answer 4

I also do not understand how she was admitted to memory care and then left because she was a lot better. My doctors have underscored that my husband ( with alz) will not get better.

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score 0 · Answer 5

You have to meet certain criteria to get admitted into Memory Care. For her to get out and then resume financial responsibility is rather bizarre. I wouldn't trust it. I would stay away from her and consult with an attorney in your area.

What I would be concerned about is how the payments were taken out of her account for your bills. Did you write checks and have her sign them? Was it paid online, phone, etc. Details may matter. It would be worth a legal consult to give you peace of mind.

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score 0 · Answer 6

I was my fathers VA fiduciary since 2010. He passed in 2014. Now VA is accusing me of misuse of funds and needing to repay it. I definitely need assistance.

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score 0 · Answer 7

She obviously has already trashed your reputation with your siblings. So sad.
Even if she cannot help it, you still need to protect yourself.

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score 0 · Answer 8

How were the payments to your utilities and car payments made? If she wrote checks and signed them herself, you will need a lawyer to collect "treble damages" from the reversing the checks. Get copies, take them to your lawyer.
Treble damages means three times the amount on the check can be collected.
This may be one case where the best defense is a good offence.
She may very well experience the same issues again.

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score 1 · Answer 9

U.S.A. INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
Wait until you have been served a legal paper; or t h e police come to your door asking about the incident. Do not take your Mother's word. It is common knowledge that dementia patient's accuse others of theft, fraud, abuse etc.
So sorry for you that you are it. She is now a danger to you. Let her pick someone else to accuse. Others may have a better solution, but I would protect myself and stay away. That is exactly what my husband and I must do with his Mom. It is a difficult choice when you care about someone, but they will definitely HURT you.
There is no explanation of why they will pick you. Don't take it personal just won't protect you. Take care of yourself.

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score 1 · Answer 10

Send her a bill. Collect later when someone else has her P.O.A. Don't talk to her. Write a letter to your utility company, explain. It is almost impossible to believe she reversed the payments, I can't even get my bank to do this within days, and a stop payment costs 20 each transaction. How did she do that?

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score 1 · Answer 11

I don't fault my mom, she can't help it, she doesn't remember anything from that time period, even when she was seemingly lucid. She doesn't remember anything from April - July. And she tells everybody that, too. She doesn't remember. And just weird behavior still, she called me a couple of days ago and when I answered she said, "Yeah?" And I said, "Um, what?" And she said, "You called." I told her no I had not called her, which I hadn't, and she said she got 3 calls and each time didn't make it to the phone in time and that my number was on the caller ID. It's just not possible. Just weird.. This has put me in a bind with bills and finances but honestly that is the least of my worries, I'll get caught back up, I am just worried about her telling her bank she had no knowledge of these payments and how that reflects on me. And scamming Alzheimer's people is an all too common thing, but not from me, but it just doesn't look or sound good, oh your mom told you she'd pay your bills and forgot saying that? Yeah, right.

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score 1 · Answer 12

My stepfather is oblivious. My mom always handled EVERYTHING, ALL of the money and banking. She was in memory care for 3 months then went home to him and a stack of unpaid pills and shutoff notices because he didn't know what to do with them. When she would ask him about the bills over those 3 months he would say, "Don't worry, I'm taking care of everything." The one bill he tried to pay had the check returned to him because the account was closed, he hadn't even used the correct checkbook to write the check. My mom is the boss, even more so now that everyone is walking on eggshells not to upset or overwhelm her.

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score 2 · Answer 13

Talk to your stepfather and ask him to cover those expenses for you, as his wife promised.

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score 1 · Answer 14

You need a lawyer. I think you can make a defense with the Alzheimers even if she is better. I am sure it will boil down to he said/she said but I would get a lawyer if I were you.

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Accused of fraud. What do I do?

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