Mil is 68 years old and guilted us to let her live in and since there is not really any family we got stuck with her or maybe we're not strong enough to say NO.
Mil doe nothing to be helpful. She sleeps till 11am-2pm. She washes the dishes half-a$$, wheels out trash and recycle. She does not work, won't make friends, has no interest or hobbies. We are suppose to be her source of entertainment and we have our own lives with our 7 year old daughter. Mil does nothing w my daughter like most grandparents will do.
This weekend I reached my breakpoint of disrespect. We are renting and I had renewal and inspection, I wanted the house clean. I told mil Saturday that she had between sat - sun to clean her room and bathroom (she is not disabled). I asked her on Sunday when she planned to shower and clean and her response was idk. I said you need to clean we are all cleaning. Then she pitifully walked around the house cause I told her to clean and went into her room. We checked on her 1.5 later and she's in bed w the dusting rag telling us she's working on dusting. We left and instructed her to change her sheets (again she is perfectly capable of this task just does not want too). We were gone 2 hours, she pulled off her sheets that's it. When we got home then she proceeded to put sheets on. Fast forward to Monday I came home and it's 245 and she's in her too small nightshirt and pants and I asked if she planned to put a tshirt on and she was like yeeeeaaaaahh. Then I told her I will be vacuuming (I like to vacume before ppl come over because I like that fresh air scent. I got to her room and nothing is picked up, she was like idk what to do with it. I just stood there waiting. She had some clothes and shoes it was 4 pick up piles. I was like do you want carpet powder all over your stuff? No. I think she thought I would just pick up her stuff - um no she does nothing. Then as I vacume her room I find grey and black streaks on the carpet - I am guessing cause she does not pick up her feet. I am just so fed up.
Previously before this Thursday she got mad that my daughter ate and I asked if she wanted me to heat up dinner for her as my husband and I were going to eat later on our he'd; I had a stressful day at work and just wanted to lay in bed and eat dinner like we use to before she moved in. Keep in mind we eat w her 98% of the time and it's not like she would eat alone she would eat with her granddaughter. Then Friday I went to a school function and we were being served good so my daughter and I were stuffed. My husband said he would make a sandwich and mil was what am I suppose to eat after I said there are a bunch of left overs. She was expecting me to cook just her dinner as my husband already made himself a sandwich since we were full. I told her to eat the left overs I am not cooking a full meal for just her - left overs in fridge are all homemade by me anyways.
So as you see this keeps snow balling. Am I alone? I do not know how much I can take of her living with us.
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Medical evaluation can help determine where she needs to go.
This may seem odd to you, but in order to force someone to leave YOUR house, you may need to go through eviction process. Look up what that would be for your municipality. For example, how much notice is required? Let us hope that she cooperates and this official route is not needed, but be aware of what would be necessary and be prepared to do it as a last resort.
It is for you and your husband to decide who will live with you. I hope you can find suitable arrangements for her, after a medical evaluation to help determine what those arrangements might be. And I hope she cooperates. But whether she cooperates or not, it is still your decision who lives in your home.
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But better to find out whether MIL is just being stubborn/selfish or has some medical/brain condition that is causing her behavior. What you find can help you determine your course of action in the future.
If I google Drs in my state would that be 2 or 2 separate Drs? What types of Drs would I google?
5 years ago she slipped and broke her ankle. She went from 4 days hospital to 6 weeks short term living then Medicare stopped paying and we were told she needs to stay with family for the remainder of the healing time - there is just us. She was with us for another 2 months. We informed them that we both work full time and the house is not ideal as the kitchen was upstairs, we were told our problem. We had to get a fridge and microwave while we were gone do she would have food and cold drinks. She got use to being waited in w nice cooked meals and not needing to do anything. We made her move back home when dr gave ok and she resented it.
She did not like her peer that was doing more while she was out so she threw tantrums and got herself fired. She could not afford her house. We had a independent living place set up and she refused.
We spoke to the dr about some of these tantrums and the fact that she's forgotten her old twice (my grandmother died w dementia and this was the very beginning). The dumb dr did some rest in the office and said don't want to label her she's fine - I do not think she's fine. I had to push the dr on the fact that she gets a UTI everything she pees in a cup and finally got a referral. She's cold all the time found out it's her thyroid. She already has disbetes. She gets out of breath and finally he did a test and we were referred to a heart dr waiting for appt. the dr told her she needs to walk 10 mins a day and every time we ask about her walks we have gotten excuse after excuse from book, Netflix, to much work, tired, news, ect.
We told her when she moved in she was not living for free as she still has 3 sources of income and she pays us a flat amount - we needed a bigger house and more in bills. We told her she would need to help around the house and that we have a life. Clearly, we have a life pisses her off. She refuses to have friends.
My husband is fine with her going to assisted living but he does not how to get his mom from our house to you are moving to assisted living. He talks to her and she stares off to space. She actually listens better when I talk which is sad cause it's his mom - guess I am just bitch enough to kinda listen to enough not to stare off into space.
Sorry, but very often mom and daughter in law can't survive under the same roof because the husband finds himself triangulated between his mother and his wife while asking who is number one in his life?
I'm sorry for all the questions, but more information will get you better answers on how to proceed.