How can I stop feeling so guilty about putting my husband in a facility?

Tric, I know how hard this must be but don't second guess yourself. Consider how hard it would be to bring him back home and then right back into care as his needs become greater and more than you can handle. Don't get yourself caught in that revolving door.

My Folks Are mid 80's. Dads dementia is progressing rapidly. It breaks my moms heart to see him failing and to think about putting him in memory care but we both know that's where it's heading. There's no way she would be able to care for him and keep him safe at home. She can barely do it now. Stay strong, visit him, comfort him. As time goes on he will adjust. Best of luck to you.

Tric if your health deteriorates you will not be able to take care of your husband. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do - not only for yourself, but also for your husband.
My mom also has dementia and Alzheimer's and is otherwise in good health. I too battle with guilt over putting her in a facility. But I also know that she is getting care that I would be unable to give even if things are far from being perfect. I see many devoted, loving wives at my mom's place who have made the same decision as you did. Give yourself and your husband some time to adjust.

I am guessing you are nearly 80. It is imperative that you follow your doctor's advice and take care of your self.

How long has he been in? Really it takes several months of pushing back before they truly accept being in a care home. It will get better. So will your sense of guilt. Hang in there.

If you doctor says your health is suffering, I'm not sure why you have any qualms. You obviously want him to be somewhere he can have his needs met. So you are ensuring that he has that.

Have you read about dementia and how it progresses? Have you read about how the home that many dementia patients speak of isn't necessarily their actual residence. He could be thinking of a home from when he was a child. And even if he were in his home, he may still not be happy. Dementia causes the brain to work in different ways. They are often agitated, anxious or scared no matter where they are. So, believing that you can make a dementia patient happy and content is a huge goal and one that may not be attainable.

Have you talked to his doctor about treating his anxiety? If he is overly anxious or depressed, that can be treated with medication. Not with drugs to slow him down, but to ease his anxiety or lift his mood. My loved one does quite well on Cymbalta and she is content most of the time in Memory Care.

As they progress, they will forget they have a home or they think of home as a place they lived many years ago. They may also describe home, but it means comfort or security and not an actual address.

You might examine the facility he is in and see if his needs are being met there. As a dementia patient progresses their dependence on others increases and they eventually need to have all their daily needs attended to. Confirming this would bring me a lot of comfort.

You might get some comfort from reading about others who are like yourself. You can do that with sites like this one and maybe from a local support group.