We really need a break, I have family 3 brothers and they all refuse to help. Any suggestions please?

I have a somewhat similar situation--altho Mother lives with my brother, and there are 5 sibs, total, two will simply write checks for anything above and beyond the "norm". They've got more money than they can ever spend and this is how they "care" for mother. Sis paid the difference between an awful rehab center and a lovely one last year. Just found out what the difference was and paid it. I can't do that, but two of my sibs can. Ask the sibs for money--be direct. Now that we know they will kick in ANY amount, brother does go to them if needed. Then they can truly say "I'm helping" because, honestly, money can really smooth the path in many situations. I can actually "do" things--it's easier for these two sibs to fork over cash. We all do what we can, I guess. You need a break!!

Are any of the brothers who refuse to give hands on help able to contribute monetarily to help pay for the respite care? My brother would be useless when it comes to actual caregiving but would be pleased to contribute to help me get a break if I needed him to.

With her primary ailment being alzheimer's / dementia, maybe it is high time for her to go to a nursing home for that's what it sounds like you are running in your home. .

Can you really not afford it or just can't wrap your arms around spending that much for your own pleasure? It seems mom lives with you, as I understand your post. Does she get that much in Social Security a month? You deserve respite. If you aren't depending on mom's check to pay your bills? Then you CAN afford it. It's just painful.

It shouldn't be. You deserve it.

BTW getting ready and admitted to respit care at a facilty can be a pain.. but it might be worth it, and then you are already set up if you need it again.

Dmotola, not to harsh your advice, because I don;t know how "with it" mom is,, but I work at a hospital, and a few years ago we got an admission from a local hotel. The family did just that.. and the elder was found with a stroke, covered in "stuff" and in bad shape. The family thought he would be "fine" while they went on vacation.. from what I got from social work at the hospital they were in major trouble for "abandonment". Anything can happen in no time at all at any age...
I thought I once read the ALZ foundation had "grants" of a few hundred to help with this sort of thing,, may be worth looking into? Also I do agree withDmotola that many places are cheaper, for respite care.

I'd say keep looking as the facility that is now going to spell me for my uncle has regular rates of $240/day which is cheaper than what you mentioned by quite a bit.

Also it would depend on whether or not your mother would need someone 24/7 during that time. If not, then you could hire someone to be there for a few hours in the morning afternoon and evening for much less.

Also, for the amount of money you're mentioning, if nothing else, couldn't you afford to put her up in a nice hotel with real room service etc? Somewhere that will cater to her?

If you were to combine the two options, you could put her up in a hotel and have someone from home hospice visit for an hour or two a few times of day for the social aspect of having someone to talk to or play games with or eat dinner with.

Of course there is much about your mother that I'm ignorant of but these were the thoughts that crossed my mind in response to your question.

I can relate to your problem. My mom lives with my husband and I as well. I have two older brothers in different states. I have had to ask for help from them and my sister in laws in the last few months since I have used up all of my leave banks at work and just cant' take off lumps of time anymore. Now my mom is visiting one brother in a different state for three weeks. It has been a long time coming respite for my husband and I. At first it was hard for me to not "listen" or check on her forgetting that she was not there. I miss her in my day to day life but having some alone time and peace of mind for once knowing she is being taken care of is HUGE. Do you have church friends who can step in and help give you a break? My mom has a wonderful church family and in the beginning of her illness they were all about helping at every step but it was taxing on them and draining so they have all pulled back. Sadly, she misses them but the reality is they are just friends, not family. I really do feel for you. The one thing that I have to remind myself is that this caregiving is temporary. I am now in the position of my mom possibly not coming back home at all but being put in a facility closer to my brothers home. It breaks my heart to know that she would be so far away at his end of her life but I have been blessed to have had quality time with her in my home for 17 years so I am feeling like I need to share her now. Guilt is ever present no matter what choice is made. God is giving me the strength and peace to get through this.

You could try calling various home health care agencies but it sounds like you'd need 2 - 3 people in shifts, and I suspect that's already what you've done.

I don't know if AL, IL or nursing home type facilities would take someone for a weekend on private pay, but you could also explore that avenue.

What about a relative? Nursing students? Retired nurse? Any community or 4 year colleges in the area with nursing programs?

I can only suggest finding a medicaid facility for mom. I know many folks want to keep elders at home, and I understand that, but it can totally consume your life Hopefully you'll get some more responces with other ideas or suggestions.