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tarajane Asked August 2015

My husband has handguns and has mild dementia. Any advice?

He loves just to hold them and admire them, however I am scared he will forget they are loaded and a round will go off. If I try and take them away he will say what if someone tries to break in while we are sleeping or in the daytime ? How do I handle that question ? I would LOVE to take them and lock them up but I Know he won't have any pat of that.

Windyridge Aug 2015
All of the advice is very good. When I realised my Dad had dementia about 4 years ago, my next thought was OMG THE GUNS! He didn't hunt any longer and he didn't sit around foundling them, but there was a rack full in the bedroom.
I told him I'd always wanted the Remington such and so, and he said well I don't use it, just take it with you. I had all my male relatives come by and play the same tune until the long guns and all the ammo were gone. There was on little pistol he insisted on keeping for protection. I had my gun Savy BIL sneak it out, disable it and put it back.

What alarms me about your story is hubby sitting around fondling loaded pistols. This tells me either the dementia is clouding his judgement or he never learned and followed proper gun safety. That is soooo basic. You don't sit around playing with and fondling a loaded gun . I hope there's no kids around that know about these guns, not to mention a druggie neighbor kid.

Do it the easy way if you can or the hard way, no matter how mad he gets. This is unacceptable.

tarajane Sep 2015
Yes, what jeannegibbs said. All is pretty calm. One day he drank 6 sodas while I was at work and I came home around 3pm and he was falling to pieces and could he please have an Ativan. I gave him one but I have switched him to non-caffeine pop. The Seroquel seems to be somewhat of a miracle drug for him so far. Sorry I haven't checked in but I have worked the last 2 days and just didn't post. I will keep you all posted. If you care enough to be concerned I will darn sure keep you updated. I just look for the day I can help with some answers. God Bless you all and hugs to you all.

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jeannegibbs Aug 2015
Your husband with dementia handles and admires loaded guns.

OMG!

BarbBrooklyn Aug 2015
My blood pressure just went way up.

Your husband has mild dementia. I'm not sure how much you know about dementia, but from experience with several relatives, I can tell you that often the change from mild to "raging maniac" stage is often sudden and happens with no warning. Meaning, he may wake up one morning and decide that you're not his wife, you're an intruder. Or that the UPS man is coming to take him awsy. Or that he's back in the army and he's got to lead the charge to take Hill 25 (that was my Uncle. Every other week). You get the picture. He's going to shoot and hurt, possibly kill someone. The three year old next door. Or you. And YOU will be responsible, morally and legally because you know he has dementia and you know he has loaded firearms.

Please get rid of the guns. Call the local sheriff to help. Blame it on Obama. But please, please, get rid of the guns.

jeannegibbs Sep 2015
Tonight I read in our local news about a 90 yo man with dementia who shot and killed his 65 yo son who lived with him, in an argument over the television. The man told police he just wanted to scare his son.

Tragic.

anonymous205731 Aug 2015
Years ago when my husbands Alzheimer's was mild he managed to shoot himself in the face with a BB handgun. I didn't even know he had a gun. When I pestered him to tell me why he had a black eye he told me what happened. I threw the gun away a couple of days later and he never asked where it was. He must have scared himself badly. That situation is different from yours since your husband hasn't shot himself or anyone else yet but it could happen. It happens to people without dementia. Your concern is justified. Can he still be reasoned with? Perhaps one of his friends or his Dr. could talk to him. If that doesn't work you'll need to get rid of them yourself. I feel for you because whatever you decide to do won't be easy.

tarajane Sep 2015
I will ask my best friend's husband if he can disable the gun. I know every one of you are right. I make sure it is unloaded but that's when I'm here. I will take care of it. Thank you all. By the way, my ALZ group was fantastic! By the way the group was fantastic last night ! Hand massage with a nice smelling lotion. Other things too. Loved it. Thank you all and hugs to all.

Sunnygirl1 Aug 2015
Your sensitivity to your husband's hobby is commendable, but I would immediately get all guns out of the house. Do it when he is asleep or out. I would try to avoid an altercation, but with dementia, you can't take that risk. His brain is not functioning correctly. He could hurt himself and you, unintentionally. This is not one of those iffy issues. It's a huge safety concern. I would take immediate action. The fact that your husband does not understand why he should not have these firearms demonstrates that he is not thinking clearly and does not appreciate the reality of the situation. Be very careful. Try not to get into a confrontation. If you feel in danger call 911 and seek safety.

You can tell him that you are getting an alarm system or that you are safer taking your chances without the guns in the house. And don't feel guilty. You are protecting you both. And eventually, he will likely not remember the firearms.

partsmom Aug 2015
Could you have someone who knows what they're doing reload everything with blanks and get rid of the live ammo? At least he won't throw a fit about them being gone. And smuggle them out one at a time.

freqflyer Aug 2015
Regarding guns, there is something very comforting to a gun owner about having guns in the house. Even if the person can't see 5 feet in front of them. It makes them feel they are protecting their family.

Instead of removing the guns, call a local gunsmith and ask if there is a way to disable a firearm.

If the ammo is taken away the gun owner will immediately know the weight of the guns feels different. If the gun is disabled, it will still have the same weight with the bullets and the gun is now harmless to whomever is holding it. But that comes with a downside as Blannie had mentioned above, the police wouldn't know if it was fire able or not.

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