Manipulation?

My Mom tends to put on the 'I can't do it' phrase when I'm around and I know that she has many health challenges. As soon as my sibling that rarely visits comes through the door, she is all perky and chatty. Frustrating.

Sunnygirl1. and SopieBird52..... Mom is almost 78 and has just gone through a med check and changes had been made. she was doing awesome for the past month until this past weekend where everything she did appeared to be on purpose to make everything difficult and just downright mean, such as asking her if she needed anything. Thank you for your input and it will give me areas to research

It sounds sort of like what I refer to as general "hohums", which is not to say it is easy for anyone impacted by it. I know it used to drive my sister mad while our mother was living with her as she would get really snarly and unpleasable but the minute my daughters appeared on the scene she was all sweetness and light. She would even light up when I was over and we never saw eye to eye my whole life. My sister did everything to please her but she just could shake it. Your mother probably hates feeling like that when she gets in such a state but can't shake it either. I know my own mother would feel terrible about getting into her moods, but sometimes it all too easy to vent on the people closest to you. The fact that you say your mother is bipolar makes me think a med check wouldn't hurt.

Cwillie, SHOWTIMING! AHAH! you hit the nail on the head for me, duh! Why didn't I think of that, other than to say that sometimes the obvious right in front of you isn't necessarily seen! My FIL does this all the time, with his Dr's, he's always Fine, Just Fine, and when our kids come over, he perks Righ up. So much makes sense now and I will be doing some research on this! Thank You!

How old is your mom?

I think it's a good idea to discuss an change in mental status with her doctor. From what you describe, I would suspect that your mom could have early dementia. The symptoms can be vague at first. Sometimes they don't make much sense and can't be attributed to any particular strategy or purpose, but eventually, the symptoms increase and become more apparent.

It could be something related to her bi-polar condition or some other mental issue. Or it could be something within your family dynamics that only she can understand.

I have a some experience with what you are saying. My dad is 78 and when I have accompanied him to the doctor for minor issues, he is fine as can be, but when they call his name out, he grabs the wall for support as if he is having trouble walking as he goes to the exam area! lol I just ignore it. I have no idea why he does it. I think it's for attention, but it doesn't bother me.

And my mom, who's 75 can be complaining about how tired and sick she is and she can barely hold her head up, but the grandkids come in and she hops up and starts cooking a meal and is fine as can be! lol Go figure.

cwillie and eyerishlass, My mom is normally quite independent, she has a active social life, attending several music events monthly. Luncheons with family and friends and continues to drive. These behaviors ONLY occur when my sister and I are together with her. I am definitely going to see if I can talk with her Doctors. and thank you for you input.

Babalou, My Mother has had a long history of bi polar disorder. she has recently been put on a new medication that appeared to be working. I have spent several days with her over the last several weeks, doctor appts. running errands, lunches and rummage sales. She has been upbeat and able to care for herself and attends her weekly music events. She does not behave this way when her and I are together. This behavior only occurs when my sister and I are together with her, and she has told other family and friends that her daughters don't want to do anything for her. During these times she will say I don't know why I'm so tired and I can't help it. She obviously knows that we are upset with her behavior. she is now saying to my sister that she has run out of her new medicine and has not been taking it because she can't afford it. ( She can afford it ) I feel she is just trying to justify why she acted this way, because not once did she tell me that she ran out of this medication, but did discuss being out of her sleeping pill prior to our weekend trip, that was rectified before leaving. The only conversation we have had about this medication was that it was working, and she felt better so why would she not want to take it ? This is not a new behavior she did the same thing at my nieces, destination wedding. where she admitted liking all the attention of " Grandma of the Bride " Then again on a long weekend at my sisters home, then again this past weekend. All events occurred within the last 2 months.

cwillie's right about showtiming. Your mom can pull a rabbit out of her hat for a little while if she's talking with her friends, appearing and sounding healthy and normal but it's an act. She might be able to maintain it for a phone call but would be unable to continue that behavior for any length of time.

Showtiming is a term used with dementia, (when motivated people are able to function normally for short periods of time) but I think we all do it to some extent. It sounds as though your mother is able to perk up when friends call or something interests her, but in between she crashes back to her baseline 'normal'. I agree with Ba-lou, might be time to re assess her meds and treatment plan. Are you able to speak with her doctors?

Have TIAs been ruled out? Is she on meds? Are you sure she's taking them as prescribed? What is this "treated mental illness" and is the treatment plan being followed?

As the body ages, meds that have always worked may not any longer. What level of care does she need, that you would be leaving "s ll this" on your sister.