Mom has started to not answer her phone or won't return my call when I leave a message. What to do?
She is playing games and I don't know what to do. I know she is doing this on purpose because my daughter lives with her and hears her say I'm not answering
Has she been tested recently or shown signs of losing her hearing? Sometimes people don't want to talk on the phone if they're having trouble understanding what's being said but don't want to admit it, or may not even recognize that they're having hearing difficulties.
Has she had her ears cleaned lately?
Hearing loss can occur for specific ranges. My father can hear men well but has more trouble understanding women with higher pitched and softer voices.
What does your daughter say about this new development?
FYI, before my dad had a stroke, before I even noticed that he was showing signs of senility, he used to answer the phone. Then one day, he refused. It would ring and ring until he finally answered it. When he did, he was very fast to answer and then give me the phone immediately - even if it was my siblings calling to wish him a bday or xmas greetings. The times that I forced him to take the phone and just talk to them, I noticed that he would say, "Huh? Huh? I can't hear you. This something wrong with the phone."
Then as time went by, I noticed that he would repeat the same thing, same subject, the same words - to my siblings every time they called. He would have these exact set of conversations he would say to all my siblings - Exactly the same.... We just shrugged it off as old age and him not having much subjects to talk about..... As time went by, I noticed, and even my long-distance brother, that dad would confuse him with my dad's brother. No matter how many times we tried to correct him, in my dad's mind - my brother is his brother. Yet, within that same conversation, he would remember that his brother died years ago.
Is your mom playing games? And why? Or is she hiding something that you might notice and your daughter wouldn't? FYI, I'm living in my parents' home. I was too close to situation to NOT notice that Dad was already going down the senile lane. Oldest sis, who was at the time, not living was us - actually saw it before me. I always wondered why she gave me a puzzled looks when I complained about Dad.
I think more information is needed. She says "I'm not answering"? Angrily, breezily, craftily? With a gleeful look in her eye? Are you two in contention over something?
Can you rely on your daughter to inform you of changes in Mom's health or circumstances? If it isn't really necessary to talk to her on the phone, how about switching to sending cheery little notes and cards? You could add something like, "I'd love to talk to you. Call me when it is convenient."
She may be playing games, but you don't have to join in the game.
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Has she had her ears cleaned lately?
Hearing loss can occur for specific ranges. My father can hear men well but has more trouble understanding women with higher pitched and softer voices.
What does your daughter say about this new development?
Then as time went by, I noticed that he would repeat the same thing, same subject, the same words - to my siblings every time they called. He would have these exact set of conversations he would say to all my siblings - Exactly the same.... We just shrugged it off as old age and him not having much subjects to talk about..... As time went by, I noticed, and even my long-distance brother, that dad would confuse him with my dad's brother. No matter how many times we tried to correct him, in my dad's mind - my brother is his brother. Yet, within that same conversation, he would remember that his brother died years ago.
Is your mom playing games? And why? Or is she hiding something that you might notice and your daughter wouldn't? FYI, I'm living in my parents' home. I was too close to situation to NOT notice that Dad was already going down the senile lane. Oldest sis, who was at the time, not living was us - actually saw it before me. I always wondered why she gave me a puzzled looks when I complained about Dad.
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Can you rely on your daughter to inform you of changes in Mom's health or circumstances? If it isn't really necessary to talk to her on the phone, how about switching to sending cheery little notes and cards? You could add something like, "I'd love to talk to you. Call me when it is convenient."
She may be playing games, but you don't have to join in the game.
(Things would be different if she lived alone.)