One of my siblings is trying to take over after three years of not helping. Any advice?

Besides I have ask my sister to help me with my Mom in the past so many times and it was always no I have asked her for help in the past and she freak out and said get our step dads daughter, this is when my back was out.

I understand what your saying and if she shows up I will have no problem but my sister will take over the conversation with the social worker and belittle me that is how it has been all my life.

What would be the harm in sister coming to the meeting? Does sister not think Mom should go to a nursing home? What does she think should happen?

I don't at all blame you for wishing to be distanced from your sister. You sure don't have to invite her over for lunch or to socialize with her. It just seems to me that excluding her from the meeting may cause more future turmoil. Let her hear for herself what the social worker is suggesting.

What do you think would be the harm of having her there. The social worker isn't going to let the conversation deteriorate into accusations from the past. She or he has a job to do, is getting paid to get it done, and won't put up with nonsense. This meeting will be about what is best for your mother. The social worker will keep it to that topic. Let the SW know ahead of time that Sister will be there, but hasn't participated in Mom's care and does not have a role in the decisions.

Yes I agree with the Doctors recommendation my Mom go into a NH

No they never came to assess my mother she ended up in the hospital because she said I was a pagan and would not let me take care of her, my stepdad went along with it and meanwhile she got really sick so I called the ER. Now my Mom has Dementia, my sister seen her once for three minutes and said she can't handle it. The appointment is set up for my stepdad and I my sister was not ask to come she has never taken care of my mom, I have ask for help from her in the past and she would never help, my sister has a drinking problem and is very mean she texted me tonight and basically demanded that she is coming. She brought up stuff from years ago. it got really ugly.

Did you ever have that appointment to have your mother assessed?

Is this appointment with the Social Worker to discuss Mom's long term care needs?

My advice would be to invite your sister. Inform the social worker ahead of time about the family dynamics and that Sister might be hostile. I don't see attending the meeting as "taking over" and it may be easier to deal with Sister with a third party there to facilitate.

Do you agree with the recommendation for Mom to be in a nursing home? Is her husband OK with that recommendation?