Bedridden Mother has dislocated hip. Any advice?

When Dad does not realize the reality of the situation and puts you in such stress, then that would tell me that Dad isn't using good judgment. I'd make the call and it would be that way or I would take legal measure to make it happen that way, since I know dad isn't thinking straight. Guilt is for when you intentionally do the wrong thing. When I'm trying to do the right thing, then I'm at peace. I wouldn't continue torturing myself.

I would seek a Hospice center she could be placed and if that is not possible, then a nursing home.

Yes, see if they have an in-patient hospice. My friend had his partner moved to one in his final days. It enabled him to visit and stay, but not be frantic in their home over his partner dying in their home. Hugs to you....none of us are trained in this - we can only do the best we can. And that's what you're doing. No one could do it better. So relax. And see if you can get your mom in an in-patient hospice facility.

Horselady, people die in nursing homes and they die at home. People live, get old and die. It's been happening for a long time (this is a message for your dad).

I feel EXACTLY the same way you do about nursing homes. They know more than I do about health matters. They are far from perfect, but my mother is getting far better care there than she would from me here at home.

Horselady, ask if there is a Hospice facility that your mom could be transferred to. You need to make your own decisions about how much caregiving you can do.

You all will love the end result of this latest fiasco! Her hip is NOT dislocated. X ray showed no changes at all. When the hospice nurse was telling me she thought it looked dislocated, I asked her, how can that be possible? Then asked if maybe her muscles were contracting from being bedridden. Guess what? That's EXACTLY what it was. Also, since Mom hadn't had a bowel movement for 8 days, the nurse gave her an enema and suppository, but not much came out. I said, she eats so little, I'm not surprised. Nurse thought she was impacted and told me to have ER xray for impaction. Guess what! Yep, no impaction. Dr. Said, no eaty, no poopy.
So, all in all, I had 3 full days of extraordinary panic and worry, had to revoke hospice for a weekend, which entails RESTARTING the whole intake process again, 2 very painful ambulance rides to and from ER, 6 hours in ER, with Dr looking at me like, why did you bring her here (until I explained what prompted it all), and when we finally got her back home, she immediately vomited green fluid. It's usually yellow; this was bright green.
I called the hospice emergency line just to ask why it might be green, and do you think I could get a straight answer? No. Nurse couldn't tell me. So I just thanked her and hung up, gave mom her antinausea pill, and got her settled back in.
What a friggin night! I was so stressed out, as soon as I left her room, I fell apart. Just collapsed in a chair and cried my eyes out. I have no clue what I am doing. I'm not trained for this! I don't know what's going to happen from one day to the next. I'm having panic attacks, forgetting stuff....this is nuts.

I am kind of angry, too, that I have been put into this position. I love my mom. She is a doll. We love each other, and she has always depended on me. But this situation is way beyond my skill level. When my grandparents (both sides) became this ill, my parents had no qualms about putting THEIR parents in a facility. And why? BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEM! Then, naturally, they passed away in there, so of course, now Dad is adamant that that NEVER happen to either of them! Instead, lets have our youngest daughter, whose boyfriend died 3 years ago, who had major back surgery 8 months later, who still has back pain, who works full time, take care of us. And when she gets home from work, her recently operated on foot swollen from standing all day, we can have her fix dinner, change oil in the car, mow the lawn, fix any electronic thing that is on the fritz, make phone calls about whatever trivial, bullshit bill we get, since we are too old and feeble to figure out the phone systems when we call....Yep, that sounds like a dandy plan, doesn't it?!

Except the youngest daughter is very close to a psychotic break...or worse.

Sorry to rant. Feel better now. Thanks to all here...thoughts of you got me through the night.

Don't feel bad. Just because the nurse can't see how it would happen means nothing. Hips do pop out of place and it often doesn't take much for it to happen. The biggest thing is to get your Mom's pain under control. Unfortunately, joints that pop out of place, even though they can be relocated, often become prone to dislocation. Has she had her hip xrayed to be sure she hasn't had a spontaneous hip fracture? Also if she goes to the ER and they can relocate it be prepared for her to come home directly after the proceedure. Rarely are successful relocations
admitted as inpatients. Since your Mom is bedridden, if it was a fracture they may not opt for surgical repair. Good luck and I hope you get it all sorted out.

I just wanted to give you a hug and support for what you're going through. Like it's not hard enough being a caregiver - we feel guilty (or afraid) over stuff we didn't even DO! So hugs for doing such a good job with your mom. I hope you can get her settled and pain free very soon.

Does she have an artificial hip? I know of two people that had theirs slip out of place. Other than that I suppose the bone in the joint must be so degenerated that it can no longer support itself.

Yes, it can be put back. I already started the process of revoking hospice for a day or two so she can be transported to the ER. Then after it is relocated and she is stable, she will be put back on hospice. No, they aren't accusing me, but the nurse said she can't see how it would have happened, and has never seen that happen. I didn't know what to say.

My first thought is can it be put back in place to ease her pain? Second thought, these things can happen easily at advanced age. Is any one accusing you of wrongdoing?