I'm to the point I don't want to come home. I feel guilt that I enjoyed the time she was away. Advice?

I still go thru the guilt at times...it doesn't help that I was brought up with guilt my whole life...when my sister takes my Mom for a week about twice a year, I revel in the freedom & serenity...even though the break is a blissful respite, when it's time for her to come home, I'm not thrilled...I've decided that guilt is a terribly destructive emotion, so, with the help of my loving husband, I'm trying to rid myself it's hold on me. Good luck to you, my friend...hang in there & know there are others out there that share in your sentiment.

Does mom always need so much help or is this just as she's recovering? If her needs her greater than what is feasible for you to provide, why not seek out help? You work and also have a disabled son, right? IMO, trying to do all things all the time is not very realistic and perhaps you are overwhelmed for good reason.

Why not check out what resources there are for help? See if she qualifies for someone to come in and help with her care or what about hiring someone to clean or run errands? If the funds are available, why not delegate some duties?

Continuing to feel resentment isn't good for your health. It can cause all kinds of problems in your body. I had that happen to me once. I'd work on finding some help. You are entitled to look forward to coming home and relaxing.

I know about the "guilt" My mom had to be hospitalized for 2 weeks because of a painful muscle spasm and then had to do rehab. I LOVED having my house back. I accepted my guilt but I had not done anything wrong. It felt great for others to have the responsibility of MOM for a while.Also realized how heavy the weight of responsibility is once it was lifted.Got depressed the closer she got to discharge. The good that came from it that after observing the PT with her I realized I had been "babying" her to much so I am much more of a "drill sargent" as mom says. I just reply that was what the PT said to do.

444, I have the exact same problem, and I don't live with my Mom. I have certain tasks I do for her each week so I stop in more often than anyone else. So she piles up all the things she needs done or needs help with in her mind and as soon as I walk in the door, she lets loose. She rarely even says "hello". I don't live with her so I'm pretty much stuck doing the stuff she asks for before I leave each time. In a way, your situation is a little easier to manage.

Can your mother still write? Can you ask her to write out a list of what she needs and you'll read it when you're ready to give her that attention (after you eat your meal, tend to your son, shower and change, meditate for an hour, come back from the gym, whatever). She's probably afraid her concerns will get lost among all the other things you have to do, so she's trying to be the squeaky wheel. You probably can't change her demanding attitude at this point, but maybe you can shape her behavior so it's less annoying/draining for you.

444, don't feel so bad or guilty. Yeah, I know, it's hard to not feel guilty when you're so relieved you have the house all to yourself. When it was only mom bedridden, and she ended up in the hospital, dad would spend 24/7 with her. I was so glad that I didn't have to do the hospital stint (take turns 24/7 with different family member staying at the hospital with mom). And I had the house all to myself. Then dad had his stroke, and I was so glad that I was able to use bedridden mom as an excuse for me to NOT do the hospital stint. Then mom passed away and dad became bedridden from a stroke. The TWO times he spent in the hospital, I enjoyed myself completely in this house. I did NOT have to rush home to take over caregiving. I did feel guilty but.. not enough to get me to go and do the hospital stint. A word of advice, enjoy as much as you can. Because as time goes by, your mom will get worse - where she will be needing more and more hands on caregiving. I hope you have a plan for that eventuality? Hopefully? I'm glad that you enjoyed your mini vacation!

444, why did you bring her back? And you enjoying yourselg while mom was in rehab? Nothing wrong with that!