She attempts to cook things and often burns them. She leaves food out for extended periods of time and I have to sneakily throw the food away because it is unsafe. She obsesses about things. She is talking more about death and how she won't be around much longer. She will repeat the same question 3 times in a 10 minute time period. She seems to pick fights with my husband who is biologically related to her. Complains of decreased appetite. Does not take her medications unless we give them or remind her to take them. She hides her pills at times. Sometimes she takes too much of certain medications (pain medications, sleeping med).
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With pills, my mom got a "pill box" that is probably actually for crafts or tackle. There are spaces across for 8 days, and slots vertically for 4 daily doses (he just uses 3 of them, for morning, mid-day, and evening.) She puts mini baking cup liners in them to hold the pills. The pills get portioned out for the 8 days and we set out his pills for the day in marked cups, which has worked for the past 10 years but the past couple years he needs someone to hand him the cup and remind him to take them. (He is also in his 90s.)
I think one of the hardest things is that because what they can do and reason is constantly in flux, it can be really hard to get your bearings. Reading more about dementia will probably help you but it is still just an inherently frustrating job. I heard someone describe that in old age, people tend to exist more and more inside themselves. When you are in middle age, you have all these circles outside of you -- friends, community, children, parents, etc. and you are kind of balancing your interior world with the exterior world all the time. It seems like for a lot of elderly people -- both because they tend to lose people as they age and because they are preoccupied and changing cognitively -- they are just immersed in their interior world and their needs. On one hand it is totally understandable but on the other, it can be very frustrating and overwhelming, especially if you have other people you are also trying to tend to.
It is a learning curve and it takes a while to figure out how best to communicate with the person and reassure them. Your husband's grandma does not sound like she has Alzheimer's so that is good! Nonetheless, her needs will basically determine the rhythm of the household and it can be an adjustment. Unless her appetite and worries are sudden changes, it really does just sound like she's "slowing down." Fixating on things, repeating one's self, getting "worse" at doing what used to come naturally, forgetting meals and pills -- those things are part of dementia but at 95 it is pretty normal. It is nice that you are there to help her!
And Maggie, she most likely did move in to help her with things, but it's not her own grandma. She is probably just learning more about the situation. You know people that old can change rapidly and can also be very good at masking symptoms when they are out. It is one thing to see someone at family gatherings and another thing to live in their house with them. Behaviors can seem very different! She is trying to help and find out what's going.
I'd make sure she has signed Durable POA, Healthcare POA and Living Will while she is competent to sign.
Why did you move in with her f it wasn't to help her with these things?
I think you cope by getting a good diagnosis, meds for her anxiety and depression . And by reading all you can about dementia . And you start looking at facilities that can manage her needs when and if you can't do so at home.