Anybody else out there have no clean clothes, dishes, floors, etc? I am completely burned out.

I feel your pain. I was an immaculate housekeeper and now it looks like someone dropped a bomb in my house. I'm exhausted from taking care of my 88 yr. old mother. No job takes more out of me. I work at 3 jobs (I think to get away! She always tell me I look exhausted from working so hard...HA! It's not the work, it's the caregiving but they don't get it at all. If I get downtime, I want to sit on my butt and do nothing at all. Can't even get the courage up to floss my d*mn teeth! What's the answer? I don't know. For me, it's the guilt. I've got a caregiver coming in two days a week for 3 hours and those are the days I don't have to do all the things I do for her. GLORY DAY! I feel human again. Get someone in to help you even if it's for a few hours a week, no matter how your dad feels about it. He probably won't like it but if he's of sound mind and objects, he's only thinking of himself and not you. Remember that.

But I think CarolAnn555's question is really going beyond the clean house. (Trust me, I have someone to come in to clean every other week and sure, it's great, but that just solves the cleaning.) I think what she is really saying is similar to what another person said on another question/thread: What do you do when getting your nails done isn't enough. I mean, all the professionals do is preach at you about respite, respite, respite. OK, so I took the advice and got respite. But now I am a respite junkie. I count the days and hours until I can have respite again. But respite doesn't help with the day-to-day. What do you do about the day-to-day? The two hours each morning before work that no agency will fill because "most aides are working Moms and no one will work those hours because they are getting their kids ready for school"? The two hours after work because "we have a four-hour minimum or else the fee is $25 per hour"? The all day Sunday because she wants to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes and I spend the entire day running up and down stairs to go with her to make sure she doesn't make a mess? But enough about my problem--I think I will start a thread of my own. In the meantime, what I am trying to say is, I think CarolAnn555 is talking about that "I'm in a bobsled travelling 100 mph down a chute because I have all of these daily obligations that there is no flex to." I feel her pain because I have this rigid schedule too and can't even run to the store for an item between work and pickup at the daycare center because there just is no "give" in the schedule. Anyone have any ideas on that? On what to do when you can't get help to come in to help you?

I have not cleaned my house in forever, i have no clean clothes right now, dishes in the sink, etc etc etc. Im not home anymore caring for my dad with Alzheimerz, trying to run my business from my phone and computer, driving 5000 miles a month to care for him. I have 3 dogs, 2 cats, a daughter in her last year of high school, filing out college scholarship information, etc. Im tired yes so I dont have time to really clean my home. My husband will do dishes, vacuum , laundry, and hold me when I cry. Im blesses but not tidy anymore. Oh well...who cares....

I used to keep a tidy home. While working, commuting, and caring for Mom , the house is a wreck, I don't have the energy to cook, and I didn't even get the laundry done this week-that has NEVER happened in my adult life, and I'm 62. Mom keeps me awake all night when there is no overnight staff. Mom is messy and a hoarder. I'm exhausted, and I feel like my stressful job and caregiving for Mom finally collided this morning after 9 years. My brother came when she fell (3rd time in 2 weeks), and I just lay on the sofa. I guess he actually figured out I was done. He took her, then got a caregiver to come for a few hours when he brought her back (his wife can't cope with Mom more than an hour or two). I just slept. Here I am on AC, all the mess right where I left it except for a bit the kind caregiver took care of, and I see that others have less than picture perfect homes, too, so I 'm going to quit beating myself up.

Dishes, wash, rinse, repeat.

Paper plates and bowls are a godsend. Not environmentally good but I can throw them away and not have them pile up in the sink.

Run the dishwasher ever time the quantity of spoons or forks drops below 2...

Get outside folks to come in an do some of this...there may even be some local non-profit that has someone who can come and do the kitchen and vacuum and empty the trash (even 45 minutes a weeks can be a help).

Hire a caregiver to do some of the parent care and cleaning of her area...big help. They do her laundry and give her a shower and make and change her bed...makes a difference.

To me my house is as clean as any house with 8 dogs,some of the little ones take "liberties" in the house.To my mother, what can I say, Mommy Dearest is never pleased. I keep her room the cleanest and her bathroom is only used by her,always keep her bathroom and bedroom doors closed, of coarse she has no problem with her 2 dogs marking in my bedroom.I vacuum everyday,have hardwood floors.Because I am in and out all day , yes, dirt gets tracked in, I did not promise my mother a sterile bubble to live in when all this started.However,this am, all the laundry is either washed or about to be put up(by me),her foot is soaked and medicated, she dressed and down in her little "art"studio in the basement but I am still in the dog house because I just had to tell her she has another MD appt. with the dentist(because she insisted on eating peanuts and broker her tooth out.

Please, if you can manage it, pay for people to clean for you. Why not? Often when I admire how a friend looks "put together" I find she or he pays others to do the drudge work! I have someone in every 2 weeks. I am starting to think I need them every week. I am now 68 and never had much energy to begin with. I had a full-time teaching job and 9 years ago hubby had a serious stroke. I retired 3 years ago. I still cannot get my housework done! Please, please pay some help. chris

Mincemeat, my son complained a great deal when I taught him to do laundry, saying no other kids on the block have to do their own laundry. Then, he learned how to mop and vacumn. Today, his house is clean, and his wife appreciates him. I am so happy for him.

Mincemeat, I think the changes, adaptations and compensations for survival made during caregiving stay with us for years. They're intense, adaptive and in my opinion created during survival mode. That doesn't change easily.

Have you ever heard of the phone call that changes lives? The one reporting the results of lab tests that fingers are crossed about? Any one of us could get that call. Lives change forever. Do you know how many caregivers die first?

Dad is living with you and your husband. Excuse my bluntness, but this, hopefully, is that whack upside the head we hear about. SPEND SOME MONEY. I know there's some there because dad is living with you and gets Social Security. The average Social Security check is $1200 a month.

The average at-home caregiver thru a service is $25 an hour.

Your husband is a saint. Please tell him some crazy lady on the Internet said that. It'll make him feel good.

If you are not going out with hubby twice a month for 3 or 4 hours, you are a fool.

Enjoy your respite and promise yourself you'll do better for you and your husband.

Is that your phone I hear ringing?

My mother was ultra critical of my housekeeping (cuz I worked 50+ hours a week, commuted 10 hours a week, had 2 sons and their extracurricular activities, plus running the parent errands!!) I got to the point where I kind of gave up!!! In the 7 years since her passing, I have kept her house spotless and let mine get even worse. Bottom line is you put the effort where the GUILT lies...I feel guilty about the need to clean her house to a standard that pleased my father, and have no guilt over my own house needing more attention!!! Now my son lives in that house since father is in SNF, but I still make sure that house is clean!

What is really more hard to understand is that I no longer have to cater to him on a daily basis, but I am still in a state of feeling burnt out!?

Oh, and I wouldn't mind a chef either, especially one who makes delectable chocolate desserts.

I suspect there are a lot of us who haven't been able to keep up on household chores. I'm still waiting for a Fairy Godmother with a Dyson vacuum and magic wand.

CarolAnn, I'm laughing too because I thought we were the only ones.

Yeah, but we are working hard on making it right.

And the funniest thing about this is that my dad looks fabulous everyday. He doesn't realize the extra strain on his 60 yr. old daughter. He asked this morning, "You aren't good at housekeeping are you. I'd hire a maid if I were you!"

Bwahahahaha. I have to laugh.

Let's say Better Homes & Garden better not knock at my front door to do a photo spread of my house !!