She can't take care of herself and she wants to go home, even if there is no one there to take care of her and she is difficult to get out of bed even to eat and it's been years since she has cooked or shopped for herself insisting she is able to do it but choose not to. What's troublesome is her habit of sleeping during the day only to start crying at 2 oçlock in the morning till around 9 if she stops at all, a couple of times she starts at 2 and by six at the evening she still keeps on crying and lamenting her terrible fate. She would stay bed and without getting up to eat or go to the bathroom; there is no reasoning with he: she says she wants to go home but when we agree she says we are leaving her alone to fend for herself when she is unable and sick, despite demanding being the one to demand going home. we've tried to keep her awake during the day and engage her in some activity but she refuses and if she is out of bed at all she only stares blankly into space or hops through channels often stopping at some foreign program she insist she understands and if she watches a program she often fails to follow the plot line. What's even worse is that in most cases she gets violent when we ask her to be quiter since it's late in the evening, she says she doesn't care about the time. She would start yelling how we should all die or how she will beat us or crack our heads open. she has hit my mother repeatedly and tried the same with me but I caught her hand and she started yelling that I was the one beating her. She yells non stop and the neighbours have complained on more than one occasion and the police has fined us. This is not a joke! If there is some advise you can offer on the situation it would be greatly appreciated.
8 Answers
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1. This is not an acceptable situation for either your gma or you or other family members living in your home.
2. She needs a psychiatric work-up/diagnosis; this sounds like dementia not results of a stroke.
3. Sleep medication? Why are you letting this incapacitated clearly confused person running your household?
4. Get a POA and start looking at alternative places for her to live - call and make appointments TODAY!
There's a lot to do while you're struggling just to make it through the day, so make a list and check things off as you do them, so you can see that positive movement is happening! (The more detailed the list, the more you can check off - which may give you the satisfaction/energy to keep going!)
Best wishes and keep us posted!
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Once the medical problem is identified there may be medicines that can help, and caregiver training that can minimize the triggers of such behaviors.
But int he final analysis, no matter what the cause, it is not acceptable for abuse and violence to be putting others in harm's way. It is not acceptable to be disturbing the neighbors. It is not acceptable to have false accusations against caregivers. As it is, this situation is NOT acceptable. Possibly it can be brought into an acceptable range with proper diagnosis and treatment.
If not, then some other arrangement must be made. That might be Memory Care or Nursing Home. It is possible that Assisted Living might be appropriate, but not if she is a threat to the safety of others.
Keep in touch here. You are in a very challenging situation. We all want to here how it is going for you.
There's something else that you could consider. It may be that she could visit a geriatric psychiatrist (perhaps as an inpatient) and work with medications to help stabilize her mood. If you think this is a good idea, ask your gma's doctor what he/she thinks about it.
I hope that you can find some way to improve your lives over what you're going through right now. Please let us know what is going on with you. Big hugs coming your way. Hope you get a good night's sleep tonight.