How do caregivers deal with taking care of a loved one when the loved one appoints a POA 300 miles away?

My brother who lives across the country has financial POA and I have the healthcare proxy. So far there has been no problem. It did mean that I had to be added to a signer on bank accounts and her credit card. I arranged that all of her bills are paid online, most automatically. My brother said if the need arises just to do what I think is best and he will sign off on it.

My parents never really understood what a POA did. I'm afraid that in my mother's mind, money and "attorney" matters sounded like a man thing, so she chose my brother. No other logic behind it. She told me once that it was because she didn't trust me. That didn't make any sense. Why would anyone add someone's name to their banks and credit accounts if they didn't trust them?

Anyway, it has worked out okay with very few glitches so far. I will be able to work with the POA if the need ever arises.

Maggie, just what you said!!!

I would not take care of anyone...oversee them or anything else...without power of attorney...health and financial. Period. End of story. Without that, one has ALLLL of the responsibility and NONE of the authority.

Not this cookie.

Is this a medical POA or financial? As long as you all get along having the finances managed from a distance is possible, especially now that so much can be done on line, but trying to do the physical caregiving without a medical POA could be very difficult, as you and sis would naturally be the ones on site in a crisis. I think if you want to make this work you will all 3 have to agree to keep updating each other regularly so you are not working at cross purposes and can coordinate her care.

So, why are you continuing to care for her if she appoints someone else POA? My response to this would be a polite goodbye.