He needs PT to stay strong enough to stay home. Dad is 80 years old w/spinal stenosis, diabetes, chronic pain and severe mobility problems. 3 months ago he had neuro surgery and is recovering (earlier this year, he lost complete use of his hands and became incontinent). He had serious surgery, did 3 weeks in-hospital intense PT and has had 5-6 weeks of PT since he got home in late August. He has made so much progress! But now, he decided to focus on one aspect of the PT he hates - won't talk to the therapists about his concerns - and decided that "its not doing any good." I could honor his decision - except Mom (70 w/no health issues) is taking care of him and, quite frankly, it's killing her (not being dramatic - literally). His response to my concerns about how his decision affects his family is "Oh well, that's okay. I won't go downhill, not me." We have already done 5 months of the hospital, nursing home cycle earlier this year. I can't help but to feel that I am left to wait until he gets so weak that Mom can no longer take care of him at home (she is refusing home health services) and/or he ends up in hospital. He says that PT isn't that important and I am blowing it out of proportion. Am I?
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When your dad says, "It's not doing any good" remind him that he's not in a nursing home, he's at home and he's at home because of the progress he's made in physical and occupational therapy.
If it makes you feel any better your dad's attitude is not uncommon. I'm in healthcare and I've worked in rehab and I've seen many, many elderly people give up on PT and OT. They tend to decline without it. I also saw an elderly lady in her 90's religiously do her PT and OT exercises everyday. It took her the entire morning to do them but she did them and the last I saw her she was still living alone and doing well. I think the fact that she had a daily task to do everyday was almost as important as the exercises themselves.
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I have no words of wisdom for you Dawners, except to say that there is only SO much you can do here. Sometimes a disaster has to happen before the old folks can see the light. Sending you a big hug today, and a prayer that your Dad will see the burden he's placing upon your Mom & yourself.
Dawners, so your Dad just might need a break for awhile. But don't have him take too much time off. My Dad was lazy about doing exercises unless the physical therapist was a cute gal, then he was enthused :) But between visits my Mom couldn't get him to practice. Yet my Mom was doing exercises she was shown by a PT 20 years prior and was still doing them faithfully every day. Each of us is different.
Today mom and dad had an appointment with the doctor who is the director of the PT program he was in at Ohio State University.
1. According to mom, he said (quietly) in the waiting room that he was only going to tell the doctor about how he didn't like the treadmill part of PT. Mom suspected he wasn't planning to tell the doctor that he doesn't intend to continue--and she was right.
2. So the appointment was mostly about him becoming able to cath himself (he still has urinary incontinence that gets worse and then better - urologist thinks it will get better as the cervical spine heals and recovers). Dad doesn't think he will ever be able to cath himself even though the OTs and doctor assure him he can and tell him that he will be more independent.
3. Because dad didn't cop to his decision to quit therapy and diverted her question about why he hasn't been in 2 weeks by saying they are in the middle of a bathroom remodel and it was too much for mom to drive him to PT 3x a week. THERE WAS NO DISCUSSION OF HIS DISCONTINUING PT! The doctor doesn't know he is quitting. Mom didn't say anything (she never does - this is her survival technique).
3. On the way home, dad said he was going to get PT at the VA. Along with that he wants to go to the VA to have someone look at his hip, get MRI's, x-rays, etc.
This is significant because when he fell apart last January, I spent a great deal of time, blood, sweat and tears untangling his health care (he was going to VA for some things and going to private doctors for others and not telling the doctors full information about what was going on. He literally had 2 doctors lists with 2 different med lists and instructions about what to tell which doctor and what not to tell another doctor. So, when he fell apart - of course, the health care team had to be narrowed and they had to know what was going on - and no one really knew! Anyhoo, long story short - I sidelined the VA in order to advocate and get care for him in the private hospital system he was in. There is no VA hospital in our area - only outpatient center.
CONCLUSIONS: Both of them are in denial. She is in denial because she has to be to live with what is going on everyday. I told her that he will spend the rest of his days seeking this doctor and that doctor and he is using VA because we (meaning me) won't really know what he doing and not doing. I told her that's fine and dandy until it all hits the fan again and we are left to figure out what he was doing.
Regarding the PT - It is like when I say "I will start my diet on Monday" and Monday never comes. I told her that he is probably just saying that to "benefit" her, me and my sister. As of now...he hasn't even called to get an appointment for a PCP or geriatric assessment (this assessment has a waiting list of up to 3 months) in order to get going.
BOTTOM LINE: I know and have known I can do nothing in this situation, except be there for mom when she melts down. I must work through my disappointment in my dad's behaviors and realize he is a "do as I say - not as I do" kinda guy. I promised my mom that I will be kind and loving the next time I see him and I will move heaven and earth to support her - but I will refuse to discuss anything medical or health related with him. Also, I told her that when he declines (because he will sit in a chair all winter), becomes ill or falls - I am not going to stand on my head to advocate for him. She is okay with this.
Sorry for the eternal post....I have no one else to talk to about this. Sister is an "ostrich" and rarely talks with me about dad, hubby is kind and listens the best he can.
I CAN'T TELL ALL OF YOU HOW GLAD I AM TO HAVE PEOPLE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS...my husband is so tired of hearing me :)
I'll also add that it took all I had to push myself to PT when I had two frozen shoulders and I was in my 40's! It was painful! lol I can't imagine enduring long term PT in my 80's! He's done pretty well.
I hope they offer some helpful suggestions when you meet.
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