Mom has been in the nursing home 2 and a half months now. She still thinks its a small apartment and wants a bigger place. Mom doesn't do anything all day outside of her room. She sits on the side of her bed, watching the hall, watches tv etc. She will not even come out for meals. She refuses to take place in any activities. I used to be able to get her to the dining room with me, but not anymore. I feel so bad that she just sits there all day everyday, but I don't know what to do. She is also starting to get snappy with the nurses and aids. Any suggestions on ways to get her involved?
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Some fool got her into the Sunday service not long ago, and mom told the pastor off and had to be wheeled out.
Being stuck on the bed as a spectator is from a combination of factors. One is confusion and having zero feelings of familiarity with the place & its people. You can't really do anything about this one other than to do things that bring her out of that room and let her feel safe at the same time.
It just takes time, and with the elderly, any kind of adjustment takes a whole lot longer than it would have when they were 50.
Some of it is fear. Fear of getting lost. Fear of strangers. Fear of falling. Fear of wetting your pants or pooping. Fear of forgetting names. Fear of not knowing where my room is. And 100 other fears. If you stay put and dwell on the fear, it becomes this huge impossible monster and then you're stuck.
If I could get mom in a wheelchair, I'd be in control and I'd decide that we were going down to the day room where it was sunny. Or outside to see the flowers. The key word here is "if".
Another factor is depression. Depression is treatable and quite common. Talk to her doctor about it. There's no reason to just let that go with a pep talk to "get out there mom!"
She may have overwhelm too. We can handle the information about "let's get up, dress, and go out there to dinner & bingo" without a problem. Depending on the cognitive skills and losses of the person, that might be too much information. There is no outward sign these kinds of changes are taking place other than not being able to think and do as they did before. Maybe mom needs it one piece at a time, without talking about the next piece until it's time for it. "OK mom, let's stand up." "Alright mom, now let's go this way". "See that? Let's sit down here and play."
Maybe it's a vision problem. If she can't distinguish the wall from the floor, it might be scary to ambulate. If she has "holes" in her vision, that's scary too. My mom swore there was a hole in the cieling and the floor that we would fall into. It was really just degeneration of her vision. But to her, there was a giant bottomless hole in the floor.
It's impossible to know what will or won't work with any individual, so it takes a mountain of persistent & patient trying.
Also consider that there may be no magic solution to this problem. If mom is past understanding how important it is to keep moving to keep the ability, then all you can do is your best. Do not blame yourself if she doesn't change. Sometimes this is just how it is despite our best attempts.
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