My sister was administrator of my parents' will, she went through every cent and claimed it went for their care. Advice?

I am assuming that your parents have passed. Caring for the elderly is very costly and the help is negligable other than hospice. When my stepmother died, her son came with his wife and moved to their town. When I visited my father, he was surprised to find that his name was no longer on his property. He was 90. When he died, I got nothing. I wasn't living with him nor caring for him, so I decided it wasn't worth the problems. If there was a will, I didn't see it. Same thing when my father-in-law died. In the scheme of things, what they had did not belong to me and though there were "items" I would have liked to have had because of sentimental value, the relative is gone. The past is over and my life goes on. I have never inherited anything and do not expect to...it isn't mine to decide. I am sorry for your loss of family. Perhaps your brother and sister might be open to a request from you for something that was dear to you that they may be able to give you. I have a small ceramic doll that he gave me years ago. I cherish that. My father is gone, but he lived a good life to the age of 96. His money would not be something I can look at....the small ceramic doll sits in a prominent place in my china cupboard. Values.

I read the post again and if all that is accurate it is a prime example of why I want my parting will and testament to read "Being of sound mind, I spent it all". I can hardly think of an example where money didn't cause hard feelings within a family. I am sure there are some but I don't know any. My own parents are fairly wealthy and they have tried forever to wield this "I'll write you out of the will" thing over all five of us off and on. Usually, me, because I am the one who doesn't care if they do that and it drives them NUTS. When my grandmother passed away, whom I was extremely close to which my mother was very jealous of, she told my dad (her son) that she wanted me to have her very valuable diamond ring. Of course. Did not put it in writing. She favored me, was really more like a mother to me than she was to my four younger siblings. But she didn't want to 'hurt anybody's feelings' and assumed my father, her only child, would honor her request. So after she died, he called me to his office one night and told me that she wanted me to have it but that he was giving it to my mother and when SHE died, I would get it then. And added that there was enough nice jewelry for everybody, as if that was the point. I would have been happier had it not bee valuable. I would have for sure been given it had that been the case. My dad cleansed his conscience and left me holding the bag of dog crap. I told my sisters who at the time were much young (1992) and were then in favor of honoring her wishes. Time has marched on. I am married to a wonderful man who treats me better than my sisters' husbands do and is more successful. I was, back then, a cheated on, lied to mom of three divorced from an idiot. I guess they wanted the 'best' for me then. They are jealous of me now! My mother has - this is a laugh - told them BOTH she wants them to have it and that she wants ANYBODY to have it but me. When my grandmother first passed away, her things meant a lot to me. It was a fairly sudden death and I saw her several times a week. The loss was huge. I now have her deep in my heart. The memories cannot be removed from my brain. I have been so disgusted with the money grab that I see going on with my siblings that I have separated myself from them. Evidently money means more to them than relationships and I am fine if they wish to behave that way. I have never expected a thing, neither has my husband (whose brother was just gross about money when they lost their parents too). You cannot say that money causes these problems. LOVE of money IS the root of all evil. It is Biblical.

Whatever was entered in probate court as the valid will should be on file and available either as a download on line or hard copy from the courthouse for a nominal fee. Most if not all probate actions are open court and available. As a part of probate (or small estates affadavit) a public notice is placed as to letters testamentary and for others to come forward with their claims on the estate. Did you respond to this? If not, why not?
The expenses of the executor will be within documents submitted to the court. There could be documents regarding costs of care as well. If probate has closed and judge has ordered distribution to be be via the terms of the will, then it's over.

If your mom was competent & cognitive she could change her will via a codicil. Her promises to you were just that a promise. If she was concerned that your 100K debt would jeapordize your ownership of the house, the house could have been willed to you via a trust or a usafruct to you (but owned by another) for the rest of your life to get around your debt. Also, it could well be that her costs of care used a substantial amount of her assets. Average NH is 92K a year & that is just the room & board charges. Costs of care are staggering.

Sounds like you received the gift of not having your share taken by the IRS. Sadly, you can't have it both ways.

Yes, it is very costly to care for someone with with Dementia or Alziemers. Seems easy to say that someone who cared for them took all the money claiming for their care, but hospital cost, prescriptions, diapers and other expenses add up even the gas going back and forth to handle paperwork, picking up medications and supplies add. Up. I have not touched a cent of my mothers money because I consider myself financially stable enough not to touch any of her stuff, yet I have in just a few months gone though thousand of my own money. Before and after taking to my home.
The emotional toll it takes on the caretakers is not repayable . Time spend comf ting them through night is bad dreams, night crying, tantrums and thinking people are after them creates night after night of not sleep. Changing their diapers, cleaning their poop and wiping up the messes on the rugs on chair and everywhere they sit. Walking them so they do not get bedsores and massaging them so that their blood continues to flow and the thankless people who call and tell you they cannot come visit because they have a nail appointment or because they have to work or on vacations is hurtful and insensitive. So if the money is all gone for their care, and even a cent is left. Even though I do not plan on touching Mom house money or anything of hers, I still feel that why is it that the non caretakers seem to feel entitled to anything that is left? I think that is just selfish.
I don't know your situation so I can't just judge, but in my case If I had a say so I would love that Mom in her will left all her assets to her church rather than left it to any of us. Why because at the end of you life those who help should do it because they want to. To for what is left. And if there is a need to use someone's assets to care for them and someone cannot afford to do it without using those assets, then that is what makes most sense.

At this point it sounds like the most valuable thing you could possibly reclaim is a relationship with your siblings. What you describe doesn't sound like a lot of money (left from her estate) but owing the IRS $100,000 certainly is no small amount. Comparatively speaking, it sounds to me as if you made quite a lot of income and did not pay taxes. If you now are living on a very fixed income due to a disability, a lawyer to help you assure you do not have an outstanding tax liability might be a good idea regardless. You may think this is about money. To me it sounds like not moving on with your life. I am not hearing any sentimentality about your mother, only anger at your siblings. If you mother was trying to help shield you from meeting your legal responsibility, she was wrong to do so even if she meant well. Be on the up and up. You will feel better about yourself and your life if you do. Try to open up some communication with your sister and brother and perhaps start with telling them you appreciate how they cared for your mother, unless you really do think they were abusive to her. That's a different story. With nothing in writing, you don't have much of a leg to stand on here. And you will catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar.

So what happened to the house?

Hire an estate attorney. I assume your mother's estate wasn't put into a trust. If you are in the Sacramento area, my brother is an estate lawyer. This is much too complex for you to handle on your own.