In my Mom's will she is dividing everything between my sister and I, including her house. Any advice?

Ever since I read your question you have been on my mind. I feel compelled to answer although I doubt you'll find any comfort in my answers. That said I'm hoping it will give you some things to think over and perhaps help you in the long run. I don't think you'll have any success contesting your mothers will. People have the right to leave their estate to whom ever they wish in whatever proportions regardless of what seems fair or right to anyone else. Grounds for contesting are usually based on validity. Was the person competent/in their right mind when they made their will and/or were they unduly pressured or tricked by someone else to make the choices they did. Often parents want to treat their children equally in their wills and which child gave the parent the most care or attention is not a consideration when the wills are drawn up. But I ask you this - have you considered what owning a house by yourself would entail? Once a house is owned outright the expense doesn't stop there. There are property taxes which can be a few thousand dollars a year or more. There is home owners insurance. You mentioned not being able to do too many chores - who will do the up keep of the house and yard? Then there is the expense of general upkeep. You allude to being strapped for cash - roofs usually need replacing every 10 - 15 years and that certainly is in the thousands of dollars. What will you do when something goes wrong with the plumbing or the furnace, the water heater etc? And trust me - something is always going wrong! Who will look after your house and you when you have heart surgery and are recovering? And lastly - as you get older and with your heart condition will you be safe living in a house alone? You've mentioned no one else - I'm assuming it's just you and your mom. I'm sorry to sound so negative - but as the mother of a disabled adult son who could never live alone I hope you would consider this alternative: when the time comes would you and your sister sell the house instead? Then you could take the proceeds along with the cash your mom leaves you and rent a great apartment. Almost all your home maintenance would be someone else's responsibility. You would have less work as well when it came to the day to day chores that maintaining your own living environment would require. I can't help but think you would have a much less to stress over in a smaller, more manageable living setting. Maybe even consider purchasing a small condominium that would be more suitable to your needs. I wish you the best - good luck :)

I agree with Rainmom. This really isn't your call. There are a HUGE number of people that are live-in caretakers for their parents that get no compensation or expect anything in return. I suggest you start looking into subsidized housing for the disabled & get on a few waiting lists. Not only will all maintenance be taken care of, but the apartment will already be "outfitted" for a elderly/disabled person (things like handrails next to the toilets, shower stalls that are easy to get in & out), AND the rent will be based upon your income, making it affordable.

Whatever assets are your Mom's are HERS. It's her decision how it is distributed - her motivations are really nobody's business.

Pfontes, what you say is perfectly true: it isn't for anyone to dictate to a person what she does with her will, I agree. I further admit that this is the attitude I took myself, declining to find out or discuss what decisions had been made and preferring to rise above it. But I also feel that my attitude, while all very well (and the line of least resistance), was naïve to the point of foolish on a practical level.

The practicalities are these: the OP's mother has an opportunity to see that on her passing the distribution of her capital can provide a reasonable level of security for both of her daughters; the disadvantage - which may be a deal-breaker or may not, depending on her feelings - being that it would involve giving one more than the other. But she's not the figure of Justice, sitting blind-folded with a set of scales in her hand. She can see what lies ahead, and what the different needs of them are. She can do something about it if she chooses to. I don't see anything wrong with putting that to her in the right way, while still leaving the choice absolutely up to her.

Kathylee53, my advice to you is to forget about contesting the will.

Have you discussed your concerns with your mother? Has she explained her reasoning about the will? If she is of sound mind, she can change it at any point, you know.

My personal view, and one I often express here, is that the child who is doing the caring should be compensated for that while it is occurring. It makes no sense to me to put that off until after the parent's death. For one thing, there is seldom a large estate to leave to anyone after a chronic illness.

So, you do certain things to care for your mother, and because of your own health there are certain other things you cannot do. How is your mother compensating you for the care you provide? Are you living there rent-free? Does she buy the groceries? Who pays utilities? If she is compensating you in these way, and you accept that as fair, then she doesn't "owe" you more than she owes your sister when she dies. If the way the household expenses are handled does not satisfy her "debt" to you for your caregiving, then that is what you need to work out now. Perhaps she should be paying you a monthly amount (that you could tuck away for future needs). Or perhaps she should change the way the household expenses are paid, to give you more in that area.

I do think that when one child does a lot of work and other children are not involved, that one child should be fairly compensated for it, not in a will, but in the present. (That may mean there is less to distribute in a will. So be it.) I don't know enough about your circumstances to guess whether you are fairly compensated.

I think you need a better plan than contesting the will. I can't imagine what the grounds would be.

If you want to relieve your stress, then accept the terms of mom's will. When she passes, her home will be sold and the proceeds, after expenses, will be split between you.

Now, if mom has other assets in cash or insurance, it's always possible you will inherit enough from her other assets to buy your sister's share of the house and have ownership. Do you have enough income to pay the real estate taxes, insurance, electricity, heat, etc etc?

So,eti,Es we have to be careful what we wish for.

CM put it so much better than I did, but the message is the same. The OP shouldn't be afraid to raise what seems to me to be a legitimate issue. I would hope that she and her mother are able to sit down and discuss this reasonably.

I would add a caveat, if Mom is adamant that there be no changes the subject needs to be dropped permanently, and using their living circumstances to exert undue pressure on mom through fear of reprisals is of course totally inappropriate.

Many good points have been raised here. Just repeating some, I think the financial and physical upkeep of your mother's house is more than you can physically handle, given the numerous physical issues you raise.

I would think about investigating alternate sources such as subsidized housing so that you can plan for your own life without anticipating staying in your mother's house after she passes, especially since you won't have the resources to buy out your sister's share. So keeping your mother's house just doesn't seem like a feasible option.

And whether it is fair or not, it is your mother's choice how to divide her property. Another concern is that your post is slanted toward what's the best for you, rather than for your mother as well as concern that I would expect you to have for her. I'm not saying you don't have it; it's just not coming through in your post.

If you sister were to buy out your share, however, you would have funds to support yourself and perhaps better your living situation.

The options aren't 100% desirable either way, but ask yourself what's the most realistic? Trying to eventually keep up a house with multiple physical issues as well as the burden of a possible mortgage, homeowners insurance, home repair, etc., or allowing your sister to buy you out which provides a financial source which can help you maintain an acceptable level of living given your physical disabilities?

What the HECK is So eti Es? That's supposed to read sometimes.

Well, at least you know the terms of the Will in advance. Are you your Mother's caregiver, or are you and she together for financial convenience? Is she still of sound mind?
If you are caring for your mom I think you have a case for asking for a greater share of the inheritance. Sit down with your mom and calmly explain your concerns and what you feel is fair. Of course, if she ever needs to go into a nursing home then there may not be any estate to worry about, if you are willing and able to prevent that then that only strengthens your case.

It is never better to contest a will after the event than to discuss it openly beforehand.

I feel for your situation, and the awkwardness of it, and the conflict between common fairness - the 50:50 split, as your mother instinctively sees it - and actually equitable treatment as it applies to your and your sister's different circumstances.

The solution involves a highly delicate piece of diplomacy: asking your mother to consider what the future holds for each of her daughters, and to think what she can do to ensure that you are both taken care of according to your different needs. And the difficulty is that, if you introduce the subject, it necessarily gets off on the wrong foot.

So… Can you think of anyone you might ask to raise this with your mother? Someone who knows all of the family, will understand your point of view, and is trusted well enough by all of you to act as a kind of broker?