My husband's ataxia/dementia is a good enough reason not to drive. Any advice?

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smcbeth1 Asked November 2015

My husband's ataxia/dementia is a good enough reason not to drive. Any advice?

The last time my husband drove around our small town, he was lost for two hours. He was frantic. He is very hurt and angry with me because I took the keys from him. I start feeling guilty and think I should give them back, but he could kill himself and/or others. This is especially hard because I'm leaving for two days. I have caregivers coming in, but I usually take him out every day. He is unable to understand his condition is such that he can't drive. How have some of you handled this. My husband is 74.

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score 1 · Answer 1

I'm assuming this is the car you need to use when you are home so while you're away I would park the car at a friend's house or in a municipal parking lot. If you have a good relationship with your mechanic, bring it in for a "tune-up" while you're away. Just get that car out of his sight - out of sight, out of mind - and keys to a car that isn't there are useless. Good luck.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Ataxia would not stop someone from driving - think about it you are siting and arms well-stabilized on the wheel - but dementia of that degree definitely does. Hang in there.

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score 3 · Answer 3

Thank you for bringing me back to reality.

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score 4 · Answer 4

Angelkw, when we asked her primary MD to fill out the DMV papers, he got mad and said "Don't drag me into this! This is a family matter!" The neurologist, on the other hand, looked her straight in the face and said "Sell the car." Of course mom told everyone "He never said that" and siblings actually called me up and questioned me. They just wanted to continue the belief that she was just fine.

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score 4 · Answer 5

In my personal opinion, having him get a little angry is much better than an innocent person losing their life due to his pride and vanity. I dealt with the same thing with my dad. There is another option though. If you don't want to be the bad guy and deal with his anger, you can always ask his doctor to "decide" that he cannot drive any more then his anger will be redirected.
Angel

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score 6 · Answer 6

Not everything we have to do as responsible caregivers feels good. Sometimes we have to be happy just knowing we did the right thing. You did.

Hang in there.

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score 4 · Answer 7

When you took candy away from the kids before dinner, they probably protested too. You did the right thing. We had to remove the car from the premises because Mom had hidden sets of keys! We told her, one accident and you can be sued for everything you own!! She calmed down a bit when we sold the car to her granddaughter. She was glad it stayed in the family.

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My husband's ataxia/dementia is a good enough reason not to drive. Any advice?

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