My Mom is driving me nuts. How to handle all of this?

Like Salisbury, my mom was sent to a behavioral unit when she was out of control. She came out on new meds and acting like a different person. I would never have guessed that her meds before she was admitted were either not the right meds or no longer effective. Meds make a big difference.
But no, they aren't always the whole answer. Everything else people are saying is sound advice as well.

Are you sure she shouldn't be in an NH? You will burn out if you haven't already!

I sure do agree that people with dementia are hard to care for. Is her eyesight well enough for her to look through old photo albums with you? My mom enjoyed doing that while I worked on something else. This kept us in the same room but I was still able to cook, clean or do something else, without her looking over my shoulder and 'giving' me advice on how I was doing something wrong....Hopefully, it'll work for you, too. Blessings to you, Lindaz.

Unfortunately its a stage that can go on a long time. Agree with everything she says, tell her she is so smart! They love compliments! Ask her about her Mom or life etc and try try try. And then Get on care site and find help!!!! lol

Thank you UncleDave for explaining Shadowing. I did not know there was a term for it. That explains my mother calling me consistently, and wanting me in the same room as her. Even when i am in the same room, she still calls me!

Mom is in Daycare 3x a week. Told DH that I may do some baking for Christmas while she is there. He said let her sit at the table and watch. NO! I can't work with someone in the kitchen with me. I forget to put something in the food,etc. And...to have someone watch me the whole time..nope.

{Q}She follows me all day long{EQ}
It is worth mentioning one of the common Alzheimer's behaviors is "Shadowing" wanting a LO near them at all times. {q}Not everyone is a dementia caregiver. {eq} so very true but then some of us have limited finances and are forced to be caregivers or else.... Browse the mainzone km site to a long page of resources to help you with all sorts of Alzheimer's Support by Experts for CareGivers

Mom is 99 and very much her own person. She is at the stage where she is very aware of her losses, ie; memory and skills. She is sweet but nasty, demanding and resentful but still cognitive enough to recognize when she is doing something inappropriate. She live in AL but does not get along with table mates any more thus she is frequently alone or the counselor at a table that is not on her level . She wont have a personal aide or use a wheelchair even though it is getting very hard for her to walk even with her walker. Stubborn as all get out which is keeping her alive! How do I know when it is the time for a nursing home or even hospice. I feel so incompetent with her care. At this age, shouldn't she have peace and happiness?

She follows you because she is insecure without you. She argues because she is in denial of losing her memory and her skills. The stage when they are still aware of their losses is awful for them. Logic won't work, so it is no use explaining it to them, but perhaps if you understand you will be kind and get her to a day care program, bring someone in to keep her company. Check with the Area Agency on Aging in your region to see if you can get 4 hours a month of volunteer visits.

First, you need some respite from her. Second, she probably has dementia unless you already know this. She is not doing any of this to get you upset as her brain is giving her scrambled messages. Either deal with it, or get her some professional care away from you. Not everyone is a dementia caregiver.

Lorazepam works great. Thats what they prescribed for my mother.

First have her checked for a UTI

Have yourself a rum-toddy and join the club.

Hello,

You have my total sympathy. My mom was the same but living under her own roof. Most amazing thing. She went into AL found her behavior unacceptable (they said, we are not serving her) and sent her to a senior behavioral clinic. Ten days later (and that was a year ago) she was calm, content, cheerful, and happy to see me.

An, no, she is not doped up. she plays bridge and beats everybody. Yesterday she went through cataract surgery and was a real champ.

Get thy mother to a geriatric doctor for the right meds!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And keep in touch!

Furthermore, you nee dot get out and have coffee with friends a few times week. Can that happen?

wsmv/story/30327284/vanderbilt-testing-out-new-treatment-for-alzheimers

Joysea, please learn everything you can about Alzhemier's/Dementia so you will understand why your Mom is acting that way and how to cope with it. Here are some very good articles from Aging Care that will help you https://www.agingcare.com/Alzheimers-Dementia, now scroll down to the articles.