FIL is in the process of dementia diagnosis and not taking his insulin! What do we do?

Thanks everyone! We now know that FIL will not be coming home from the hospital.
The hospital staff seem to be better than FIL personal doc and that is helping hubby come out of denial. Especially since sugars are starting to come down and FIL memory is still really bad.
Hubby's siblings have not even gone to visit their father in the hospital so it's all on my hubby.
FIL memory is so bad he keeps forgetting why he is in the hospital and that he is not coming home 😞.
All in all things are better than before because at least a plan is starting. Hopefully they get him in a home soon.

A person with dementia cannot live alone beyond the very earliest stage.

A person with dementia and a condition condition they must take medication for cannot safely live alone period.

Those are facts. It is not a matter of opinion -- your husband's or your FIL's -- it is a simple fact that dementia is a disability and the person needs some help to compensate for it.

As I am sure you can see, waiting for an assessment in March without doing anything to help manage the diabetes in the meantime is very dangerous. But the question is, what can you do about it?

Would showing this thread to your husband help? Is there some outsider whose opinion your husband respects you could bring in on this discussion? A golf buddy? A clergy member? FIL's doctor? ANYBODY he might listen to more than he'd listen to you? He may be stubborn and he may be in denial, but I assume he also loves his father and would not really want anything serious to happen to him if it could be prevented.

Thanks Blannie, yes even hubby said he feels better knowing his dad is in a safe place. FIL is doing ok.His sugars are down to low teens and his mood is slowly improving. He was just told yesterday he will not go home so of course that is hard on him.

Well this could be the emergency that is necessary for them both to understand how serious your FIL's situation is. Good luck and thanks for keeping us posted. I hope your FIL is OK...

So hubby rushed his dad to the ER this morning cause he was really sick, vomiting and diarrhea.
FIL did not want to go and apparently put up quite a fight but hubby insisted and called ambulance.
I am just getting bits of info but his sugars are in the 20's.
I guess he is having a fit at the hospital and they put him in a chair he can't get out of to restrain him somewhat.
Thankfully hubby was there.
Hopefully docs will access him more fully tomorrow.

I am glad someone is with him. I don't believe a person with insulin-dependent diabetes should stay alone after dementia symptoms set in. Medication management can be a real problem. We have been through it here with my mother who has dementia. Your FIL's story is not really unusual. Many people with diabetes don't check their blood sugar very often. They feel okay, so don't think there is any problem. High sugar levels can definitely cause problems, though, by damaging the vascular system. Uncontrolled diabetes can lead to heart, kidney, and eye problems, as well as vascular dementia.

If he is having difficulty managing medicines, your hubby needs to figure out what to do. If your FIL is still legally competent, you won't be able to make him do anything, but encouragement might work.

He is staying with his dad until a bed opens at the hospital. So at least he is not alone.

Hubby is staying with his dad until a ved

Thanks everyone. I told hubby some of the stuff you guys said about it being an emergency (without telling him I posted a question) and he said he did put his dad on a waitlist for a hospital bed. This will be quicker than waiting for assessment or nursing home. Hopefully this will happen before the relatives leave Saturday. Hopefully my hubby will be more able to accept help once he calms down a bit. I know it must be hard for him because his dad will not go to the hospital easily.
I wish he would come out of denial a bit so he is more prepared when things go wrong. Also he is shutting me out of the process. It sucks too because it so close to the holidays.
Hubby also is so angry that his siblings won't help but at the same time wants to be the hero and not really accept alot of help. He is the one who has the closest relationship to his dad but his siblings seems more concerned about their dad's meager assets.
I may call the social worker and Alzeimhers society myself tomorrow and see if they have any additional insight they can share.
I will keep you posted!

Sunnygirl1, she says his wife left him in the original post. That's why he's living alone.

It sounds like he is taking a long acting insulin at night or was taking it. Most people who do that are Type II, but they also take pills. The trouble is that he is at risk for LOW blood sugar levels. It is very serious. (Maybe he has stopped taking the insulin. Either way, he's at risk. ) He could suddenly start taking the insulin again. He could forget that he took it and take a double dose.

Terrible things can happen if your blood sugar goes too low. Some people have a feeling when they go low, others don't. Those who don't can go unconscious, unless they get some sugar in them to raise the level. Then, you have to check your blood sugar with finger sticks for hours, to confirm it's stable.

IMO, all of this blood sugar control is too much for a person with no short term memory. I'm not sure what to tell you, but I would contact his doctor and or adult protective services saying it was an EMERGENCY. I would think a doctor would agree.

You refer to his wife, but then say he lives alone. I'm confused. Regardless, whoever is in charge needs to take immediate action. This insulin issue is not something that can be put on hold.

Driving is incredibly dangerous for a diabetic with not short term memory and no ability to properly monitor their blood sugar levels.

Thanks blannie! Thanks everyone!

Well you've got two men in total denial. You may have to wait for an emergency situation for any real change to happen. That might be FIL passing out or acting so weirdly that someone speaks up. I feel for you, because you're caught in the middle and don't have a lot of power to effect change with their stubbornness and lack of action.

Doesn't your husband understand that untreated diabetes can lead to death? I don't know how serious your FIL's diabetes is, but if he's taking insulin (or should be), he could be in serious trouble if he's not eating/medicating as he should.

Please keep us posted on what happens...and try to manage YOUR stress as you watch the two of them deny anything can or should be done. Hugs to you!

Also he told his visiting relatives that he didn't have to take his insulin anymore (not true).
Hubby thinks maybe he is depressed and trying to kill himself but I think he just forgets.

Either way, I don't think they are making him take it so it has been several days with zero insulin!

Also he told his visiting relatives that he

Thanks sunny girl. I assume type 2.
I know he takes one needle every night.
Hubby emptied sharp container last week and not one new needle since!
He lives alone- wife left him a couple months ago😞
He has relatives visiting for a few days but once they leave he is alone again.
They noticed he was "eating like he was starving"
But he could just be forgetting that he just had a meal..
Also he is not supposed to be driving but keeps suggesting to take them for drives.
Hubby is stubborn really and his siblings are useless!(sorry for short rant).
Thanks for your help!

I don't think his health right now is that bad but if he continues to not eat right or take his meds?
His care assessment is not until March 29 and then there is probably a wait to get into the nursing home.
He is still lucid most of the time but no short term memory at all.
Home care may be an option but I don't think he/we can afford enough to make sure he takes meds every night and eats the right amount/times.
My hubby is so stubborn he won't call the elder social worker or Alzheimer's association until he hears back about the assessment!

Is he a Type I diabetic? If so, he must have insulin or his blood sugars will go into very high levels. Even if he's a Type II, he could be in trouble. I would consider this an emergency.

Unless he is supervised, he could take TOO MUCH insulin or TOO LITTLE insulin. Both could be life threatening.

I'm a Type I diabetic and can say that you really have to have your mental abilities in order to calculate, monitor and administer insulin. I would have his wife supervise and WATCH for signs of high blood sugar AND low blood sugar.

Running high for periods of time can cause Ketoacidosis. Watch for extreme nausea, vomiting, body aches, pain in belly and muscles. Eventually labored breathing. It's a 911 situation.

Running low watch for shaky, nervous, sweating, extreme hunger, and headache. Always keep sugar source near like juice.

I don't know how someone can wait that long for tests if they insulin is not being monitored.

If his health is really bad, yes maybe an ER trip. But it sounds like he needs to be in skilled nursing care. Depending on you situation in home care may be possible if you've got the funds and the energy. Start checking out nursing homes in your area.