What do you say when they say their dying?

I'm a little unclear as to what your specific question is, but if you want to know what I wish we'd done when my dad passed - I wish we'd made my mom allow him to eat whatever he wanted, sit up, go outside, go on drives, do whatever he wanted. My mom didn't let him do anything but lay in bed. She'd get mad at him for sitting up. He wanted Apple pie. She said there's no nutrition in that. I think when someone's dying if they still love chocolate- let them eat the whole box.

My dad didn't want to be alone when he died - he loved company. I promised him I would be with him all the way and I was. In fact I was the only one in the room with him when he died.

I told him I loved him and how special he was to me and how special he had made me feel all my life and how his love for his grandchildren would be eternally with them so he knew his legacy of love would live on.

He wasn't a particularly religious man but he wasn't sure what lie ahead. We talked about the room that would be prepared for him. I shall always remember him saying he hoped it had been bloody painted because he didn't want to start painting as soon as he got there - wherever 'there' was.

We talked of times gone by and I chose times where he had been amazing (which was pretty much all the time)

I held his hand and smoothed his back when he had pain. i did try to keep my voice soft and low but he said I sounded like I was in the doctors surgery or the dentist so we talked quite normally. I let him talk about his football team, his boxing days in the army, the time he spent as gunner to Winston Churchill, anything he wanted to talk about. I learned a lot about his younger life during those chats and I am just so glad I took the time to let his conversation ramble to places of his choosing

Just be there. I keep talking into my husband's ear so he can hear me. Just to say I love you. I am here with you all the way. I pray out loud prayers we used to say together. I hold his hand. "Do not be afraid. I am with you." And other quotes from Scripture.

Maggie, I wish I could click "helpful answer" more than once for what you wrote. Wonderful thoughts of what needs to be said.

I'm thinking you're asking what you say to the patient. Some people don't want to talk about it. Others will. One has to take a cue from the person...what they need to feel comfortable. Things I might say to my mom could be, "Well, mom, there's sure going to be loving family waiting to take your hand..." Or maybe, "If you beat me there, mom, be sure to watch for me. I'll be looking for you." Or maybe, "Mom, I'm going to miss you so MUCH until we meet again..."

Remember they're looking for reassurance. They are, as we will be, afraid.

I'm sorry. Losing a mom is rough. The sun never shines quite as brightly after that.

It may be a while for your mother, so just be there for her. I don't say much when people are dying. It is a good time for listening and talking to them. When someone is dying, they will let you know. Sitting in silence can be fine if they are tired. Trying to make conversation can be very tiring for someone who is near death. Knowing you are there is the important thing to them.

I wouldn't tell her that she isn't. I'd approach it more along the lines of, "Mom, we all are going to die. With cancer you are likely to die sooner. The medical team doesn't think it will be immediate. There are no signs that you are actively dying now. Let's cherish every hour we still have." If she wants to talk about serious matters, let her. Take this opportunity to tell her you love her, and that she has prepared you well to carry on. Name some specific things her love has changed in your life. Let her know she has made a difference in this world.

Diane12, I am so sorry, but if she is on Hospice, she is not expected to live more than six months. Have a long chat with the Hospice Nurse about what to expect in the near future.