Stay out of Mom's problems?

Feeling bad for her does neither her nor you any good at all. So that's the one thing not to do!

Here is what to remember: her problems are *her* problems. Some will be solvable. Others won't. Take a step back, see which category whatever she is complaining about falls into, and proceed accordingly: assist with the solvable problems, sympathise with the rest.

And then, ultimately, if she begins to need more help and support than you are able/willing to provide, look for other resources.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself, too. Because the constant wearing away can get you into a serious depression before you realise it and that makes it very hard to keep your perspective. As a first step, award yourself some pampering.

So let her solve her own problems. If she wants to be independent and assertive, she should be able to find someone close by to help.

Don't offer to solve her problems. Ask " what would you like me to do mom" and then decide if you can do that. If you can't , then say " no, sorry, I can't do that".

Mom won't take suggestions. She is competent and assertive. She is very hard of hearing. Uses a walker. Has stage four kidney disease and heart falure. But is doing well with her health problems.

Was is your mom's ailment? Is she competent to handle her own affairs. Does she have problem solving skills? If so, then you might take note of what she needs help with and make a suggestion. Such as if she has trouble remembering to pay bills, set them up on automatic draft. If she struggles to get to the market, arrange for a delivery of food to the home. If she can't clean her house, find a service to come in once per week, if she can afford it.

If she's not open to help, then the approach may have to be different. If she's really struggling due to mental decline or dementia, then your suggestions may not be accepted. Then you may have to just take care of matters without her input. Hopefully, you have Durable POA.

I think it is trying to fix things that can not be fixed that frustrates so many caregivers and lead to burnout. We often come on this site to whine about our problems, you mom hasn't that ability so she comes to you instead. I'd say step away, change the subject if you can, and remind yourself that her decline is irreversible, jumping in to help every time will only make you nuts.

You might have to start prioritizing the problems in terms of which really need to be solved, such as ones which are critical to healthy and safety, vs. the ones which can't be solved or aren't health or life threatening.

You ask her what she sees as solutions for some of these problems, but be prepared to also suggest what someone other than you can step in to do to help.

That's basically what I've had to do. Some problems just can't be solved, and other's aren't critical to life, limb, health and safety.