Mom has dementia and will not exercise but only lie down in her totally silent room all day, if she can, and arises more confused. Is this ok?

I'm so sorry. This is hard to accept. But sometimes people get to the point that they don't want to socialize. My mother - who was once very social - simply arrived at a point where she only wanted those close to her or the nursing home staff around. She was in a lot of pain which I think was much of it.

If your mother was once social, then you could ask the doctor to experiment with her medications. There may be other options.

However, sometimes we have to accept that these diseases take their course and we can only do so much. Forcing what the person obviously doesn't want isn't helpful.

Offering suggestions - yes - so continue to do that. I'm certain that the AL staff does the same. But you can't make it happen if it's not going to happen. Offer all of the support that you can.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol

I do agree, as the disease progresses the withdrawal comes more severe. My husband, 76 years old, has Alzheimer's, and mostly sits and watches TV all day; the old westerns like Gunsmoke and Bonanza, and he likes comedies, like Cheers. He doesn't know how to use the remote anymore so I have to be here to find the shows for him. He won't watch movies because he can't follow the story line. I thought it would be fun if we could go to Silver Sneakers together, but he went 2 times and wouldn't go back. He said he couldn't follow the moves, when he was actually doing them better than I was! Christmas was upsetting for him with all the activity, people coming and going, so I told the kids I couldn't have it here anymore. It is truly a horrible disease. Good luck and God bless.

I'm going through the same thing with my Mother and it is very frustrating. My Mom lives in a Memory Care facility, which I thought would be great for getting her out of her apartment and engaged in activities, but as the disease progresses, she withdraws further, has less energy, and prefers to sit in her apartment most of the day. Some days I think maybe it's the medication, but when I look back to about 2 years ago when she was diagnosed, she wasn't on any meds except for high blood pressure, and she was getting the same way. I'm sorry your going through this, it's painful to experience. I'm interested in seeing the reply's to your post for some help as well.

Hi just reading your comments understanding that alot of medication is making our parents withdraw and opp out alot of physical activities My story is pretty long so ill just go into long story short I too take care of mom 94 yrs young myself, hubby and my 3 girls at home and i still work full time and hubby is retired police officer my 3 siblings 2 out of 3 say their to busy to help and the other lives out of state. Anyhow mom has dementia its been 7 yrs well about 3 yrs ago after a her stroke it got worse and noticed they had her on Namenda and xanex and some awful drug making her lethargic and sleeping and withdrawn most of the time. A neighbor who happens to be a neurologist mentioned looking into marijuana I said heck no! BUT...then started doing my research Well i took her off of all that pharmaceutical crap and now give her CBD marijuana chocolate bar a piece every 6-7 hrs and Wow! I have my mom back shes eating she's conversating ,laughing takes small steps with assistance its a mircle herb. Cbd has no thc so she is not high in the head just a body high also found out it helps tremendously with the dementia I've done extensive research and even in Isreal in the nursing homes they give marijuana so they have a quality of life and laugh and sing and play cards. Just a suggestion But please do your research. No im not a Dr. But i am a daughter who didn't want to give up on her .

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Can you give us a bit more info about your mom? Was she ever social or active, or is this just a more extreme example of how she always was? How far along in her dementia is she? Can she still read or converse or follow a tv show? Could you put a radio in her room and tune it to some quiet music she might like? Would she take a walk with you, if it's not too cold? Do any friends or relatives come to visit? Tell us a bit more about her and you'll get some good suggestions...

This is our reality also. I gave up trying to engage my mom long ago, she prefers to just lie quietly in her bed "for a change", which is laughable because it is what she does 90% of the time. She can't follow stories on tape or TV programs any more, the only thing that offers variety to her day and that she seems to enjoy is listening to music, but that only lasts a couple of hours. She's not always sleeping, I often wonder what is going on in her head as she sits or lies silently, staring at nothing.

I know what you are going thru and it is tough. But sometimes we need to lower expectation bars. One thing is sure that they are not as unhappy as you think even in that stage. My husband when he was going downhill with AL., he can only respond to music and at the most for 2 hours. However I think he was so relaxed in those hours that would make him recharged and then he would enjoy sitting down doing nothing. I accepted that and therefore I was happy with that situation.

My husband is staying in bed more and more of the time, too. I do get him dressed and out the door to see our son's family at least once a week where he still plays pool with his son. This activity seems to be very significant for him, and he talks about winning the game all week until he can play again. When the time comes to go to their house, he often says he doesn't want to go, but will get dressed with help and by the time his shoes and coat go on, he's ready to go outside. At home he barely can tolerate 2-5 minutes of short videos on Youtube, no full length shows, but when he is with his son, he can stay put for a whole episode.He especially likes to watch videos of Rita Hayworth dancing. He always liked jazz and will be able to tolerate waiting for me to prepare the meal if a peppy tune is on the radio. If a lot of family are present for a holiday meal, I give him a Xanax 1/2 hour before getting dressed and then he can stay in his seat for the entire meal and is sociable to whoever is present, shaking hands and wishing them well. At home without Xanax, he has sundown episodes of cursing and getting aggressive. It's a rollercoaster life that you must learn to adjust to.

You do not say where your mom lives. If she Ives with you, she may benefit from daycare a few times each week or from a companion hired to visit her. Sometimes people with dementia react better with new people. My first mother-in-law had a stroke and she was unresponsive-until I brought her 2 young grandchildren to visit. She perked right up during each visit !!

Visitors are a good idea. You might also try pet therapy or giving her a doll. My cousin loves her dolls and they provide her a lot of comfort. She holds, hugs and kisses them often.