Why do some elderly keep hanging on?

It is possible that some keep hanging on because their family keeps hanging on them.

I also wonder what my mom is holding on to. She has beaten all the odds and keeps on ticking. She will decline to the point where we thought she was going this weekend and then she's perked up. It is emotionally exhausting. I have told her I will be okay, that she taught me well. I have told her i loved her and thanked her for choosing me and being my mom (my brothers and I are adopted). Something keeps her from wanting to die. She even thought that she was going to be gone this weekend and thanked me for being her daughter and how much she loved me. Not sure why or how some people hang on for so long suffering so much.

I know this is 100% true. My grandmother (raised me and I call her meme) kept hanging on, hanging on and it was just devastating. Every night I would sit and talk to her and say "I'll be back to see you tomorrow"...the last day I went I held her hand and thanked her for what a wonderful woman she was and how greatful I was to have her. I apologized for my wrong doings and told her she didn't have to worry about me or my children, that we were going to make it just fine. Instead of saying "I will see you tomorrow" like I had everyday for at least two weeks now, I simply said "thank you for everything meme, I love you, and try not to worry about us, we'll be fine"
They called around 2am to say she had passed but I knew before the call. She had just been waiting to make sure I would be ok. I felt a relief come over me...i knew she wasn't worried or in pain anymore. She heard what she needed to hear and I felt relief and calmness come over me. It's like we were both finally at peace.

1teach, it is strange to think of life this way. The life force is strongly attached to the body. Even though the person may be ready to die, their body is still trying to preserve itself by hanging onto that life force. It won't be until the will of the person and body are the same that someone can pass peacefully. I do hope she passes peacefully.

Who knows for it is different with everyone. I think some elderly hold on for they are hoping something will change in their family for the good and then they feel like they can die in peace, but that's not true of all.

It can be hard to know why people keep hanging on. It may actually be that they know their time is not yet up. It's hard telling.
The only other thing I can really think of is that maybe some of them don't want to die in front of anyone because maybe some of them just want to be alone when it happens. Some people who witness death can actually become overwhelmed to the point they just can't handle it. Death has a strong tendency to really traumatize people in ways that only those who have experienced certain types of trauma can really understand. I've known several undertakers in my life. When you know and are friends with an undertaker, the best you can give them is to do your homework and study about what they go through. Until you really get to know and love an undertaker personally, it's really hard to know not only what they go through, but also what people at the end of life or trying to spare the living. It may very well be that people in final life stages are probably trying to protect others from the stress of their dying. Death is really not a pretty picture for those who are witnessing it or even going through it. Furthermore, death is really not the end because life goes on in the spirit realm. It's the physical death that's so hard for people to accept. Death is something we will all face someday like it or not. When we're young it's easy to think we'll live forever and never die. It's not until we age that we slowly start realizing we're just living in a fantasy by thinking that death will never happen to us. It's not until we start realizing that death is eminent and that we start thinking of our own mortalities and planning for them. When we recognize that death is coming, we may aim to protect those around us from the pain and heartache of our physical death. We may not want others to have to witness a death so we may wait until they've all left the room in order to let go. There have been stories of this very thing happening. Isn't it funny how some people will not pass while anyone is around but they will pass when everyone has left the room? Though not true in every case, it is true in some.

* If you find that your elder keeps hanging on, try to find out why. In some cases they may want to just tie up loose ends. Some of those loose ends may be asking for forgiveness, dealing with regret, or maybe they just want to see specific people one last time. For instance, many years ago I was suddenly visited out of the clear blue by someone I used to know. I really didn't think much of it, and we even went to a local drive in restaurant and we had a snack. We visited for a while and this happened at least a few times before I didn't see him anymore. It wasn't until years later that I learned that he died shortly after our last visit. I think this person wanted to see me during the little time he had left because his family was badly broken and I was probably one of the very few people outside his family who wasn't. I'm sure there was some reason why my friend wanted to see me as much as possible in the time he had left. Perhaps he knew his end was near because they say a dying person knows. It's very hard to know why the person is hanging on until you happen to find out why they're hanging on. It could be any number of reasons why they're hanging on, we just don't know until we either discover it or it's revealed to us. I even read an article years ago that if you want someone to let go, just stop visiting them. When I read that article I thought it was cruel to just not visiting someone we absolutely love. It may be that the author of that article was cruel, calloused and coldhearted when they wrote that article. I believe that our dying love the ones deserve the comforts of those they love as well as other things around them that they find comforting, because after all it is the end of their life and it's their death they must face.

It seems that some can hang on and rally for many months. I'm been struggling myself with the ups and downs of the rally's and have wondered what she could be holding on for. Her kids and some of her grandkids had a chance to say goodbye, thank you and spread lots of love. The last two visits with my mom have been her grabbing for my hand, hugging me so hard, wanting to have me almost get in bed with her and kiss me, smooth my hair. It's precious for me, but I now believe she does not want to leave because she loves her kids so much. She doesn't want to leave us. It breaks my heart and I'm trying to figure out how to help her with letting go of us...which on one hand I hate! I don't want her to. But, I don't want her to suffer and be in pain any longer.

Great points in this thread! Mom has deepening dementia and her body's worn out. There were so many times these past years we thought she was near the end, but she'd rally. All of us kids have "given permission" for her to move on in varying ways. We never tell her "Please, don't go," or "I can't live without you," or "what'll I do." I can't help but wonder such comments hurt the person in the process of dying.

Out of the blue some weeks ago, Mom mentioned she hadn't thought of "My Big Brother" in a long time. (Until now she'd forgotten he died in the 50s.) Then she said, "I'm going to find him." I forced an easy, "He'll be waiting for you." Her head popped up, "You think so?" in a very hopeful way. "Yes, him and "My Stepdad". This made her feel better. I hope we've given her peace so when she's ready to go, she knows she can.

My dad hung on for 15 days without food or water. This is an extreme case. We wondered (and so did the medical staff) why he was fighting so hard to hang on. No one has the answer. We all said our goodbyes. His son was absent during this time, so maybe he was waiting for him. (He never came to say goodbye). He passed the morning after my mom spent the whole night with him. Maybe that was what he was waiting for. We will never know. God works in mysterious ways. Only He can determine the right time. We are relieved that Dad is in a better place, free from his mind that was damaged by dementia.

My advice is for every loved one to say their goodbyes and tell Grandma that they will be okay. I think the dying need to be comforted and know that the living will go on and be fine. Tell Grandma you will see her again, in a happier place. God Bless you all. It is a very difficult and precious time in your lives.

My father in law has been in Hospice care only one week at this point. When he came home from the hospital he was truly joyful thanking us and God.
For two days he was on a “high” from the relief of being with his family in a familiar environment.
Friends and family came by and he was animated and engaged, though not completely in touch with reality.
On the third day there was a shift in his entire demeanor. He became difficult to rouse and prefers to sleep continuously. If and when he does respond he’s living in the past in his mind and what he does utter makes no sense to present day or time. He no longer wants sips of water and little bites of applesauce (the only food he would eat).
He has been ready to pass on for awhile now, I hope it won’t be too much longer for him, he’s worn out and deserves peace.
I’ve worked with quite a few Hospice patients and it’s true what others have posted - it seems that many have loose ends to tie up before they can let go. Often I witnessed a client pass on after a certain loved one has come to visit or they’ve been given assurances that all will be okay and matters/people will be looked after.