Ugh! Thorny issue, indeed. Something along the lines, when you two are alone, then of "it's very hard for mother to grasp why she can't drive, but it's clearly out of the question for her to take it up again at this stage. Don't you think it would be better if we could try not to rub it in?"
I had a similar scenario about ten years ago when my brother "championed" my mother's reluctance to move to sheltered housing and said in front of her "why should she have to move if she doesn't want to?" Which neatly shot the fox, the fox in that case being that my sister had found a near-ideal apartment and negotiated a very good deal on it, only for my mother to withdraw from the purchase unilaterally and without discussion - whereupon my sister washed her hands of the whole question of mother's care.
The blindingly obvious answer to his question was "because she will break either her neck or her hip on those steep, narrow stairs." But, as you know, a retort like that only leads to tears, arguments and denial on the part of the elder.
My sympathies. Try not to let your sibling annoy the blazes out of you :)
Thank you, I will try to do that otherwise I spend the entire evening calming our parent down and explaining that they are not able to drive their own car. They have not driven in over 20 years and are over 75.
Address the issues, perhaps. Not in front of your parent, of course; but when she starts something gently and subtly manoeuvre her out of the room and see if you can't chat it through. The key point to get across to her being that anything that is disruptive or distressing for your mother must be avoided.
But perhaps you could let us have a few more specifics?
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I had a similar scenario about ten years ago when my brother "championed" my mother's reluctance to move to sheltered housing and said in front of her "why should she have to move if she doesn't want to?" Which neatly shot the fox, the fox in that case being that my sister had found a near-ideal apartment and negotiated a very good deal on it, only for my mother to withdraw from the purchase unilaterally and without discussion - whereupon my sister washed her hands of the whole question of mother's care.
The blindingly obvious answer to his question was "because she will break either her neck or her hip on those steep, narrow stairs." But, as you know, a retort like that only leads to tears, arguments and denial on the part of the elder.
My sympathies. Try not to let your sibling annoy the blazes out of you :)
But perhaps you could let us have a few more specifics?