My Mom has dementia. All day long, every day she asks me for money to give away. Any advice?

I was just corresponding with her neurologist yesterday, explaining the obsession, etc. I previously eluded to these situations during a few visits, but was better detailed in email. He has suggested a low dose of Prozac to see if it helps. My mailbox is even smaller than hers - I can't receive a bin of mail a day. My mailman already hates me, but your suggestions are helping me to think.

She had fake stamps, and was still writing checks from the old account that was compromised. Now she gets nothing! I'm still cleaning up that mess.

I could write a book on this topic as unfortunately I have a lot of experience with this one - but it's bedtime so - tomorrow. In the mean time this is the helpful advice the postman for my mothers previous retirement community gave me. You may or may not be surprised to know this is a very common problem with the elderly :
Register with the Direct Marketing Association Mail Preference Service, www.dmachoice.org. Since not all mailers use this service, registering won’t eliminate unwanted mail but can reduce it.

Why not pick up some of that fake money that has scripture on it and give it to her to use? Or a book of fke checks and let her write to her heart's content? The person "mailing" them for her could dump in the trash!

Put in a change of address and have all her mail sent to you. Cut off the beggars, the catalogs and things will improve. When mom moved to AL, all the mail got sent to us to cut that off.

I assume you have private conversations about what is really going on with your mother? I did that with my mom's neurologist. If you are her medical POA, then discussing her care with her doctor alone is ok. If you are not, it is still ok to tell him, but he will not be able to tell you his response.

My dad can do all those things but needs and has 24/7 care in his home because of his dementia and Parkinson's. He's always been very honest and realistic about how he is doing.

What I think she may need right now is a good psych doctor. Her symptoms are agitation, rumination and obsession with money. Is her doctor aware of these? Is she on an antidepressant? An antianxiety agent?

When you say "in home care", do you mean she's living alone at home?

As of last month it was in-home care, but I don't think the Namenda is slowing the progression (my opinion from daily dealings). She can still bathe, dress, etc, but I'm vigilant. I notice the rapid decline. So hard for me to even admit that she needs assisted living! She's still a little okay at fooling the doctors.

What level of care does the doctor say she needs?

I am in the process of trying to get in-home care for her while I shop for state-run assisted living (in California if you don't have a LTC policy or $$$, there are hardly any options). I'm having a very hard time with the county. They're full of resources and links and connections and so on and so on. You are right, she is obsessing, and yes, she does need a higher level of care. I have the cooperation of her doctors, I'm just desperate and don't really know what to do! The past few days, all I can do is function at work and cry. I'm so heartbroken and I worry about her every hour.

Dealing with a family member who has dementia can be extremely challenging. Their behavior can be exasperating. That's for sure However, since they can't be held accountable or expected to change, we have to figure out ways to satisfy, redirect, accept or tolerate the behavior.

Is she still living at Independent Living? Is that type of place still sufficient for her? If she were someplace where there is emergency backup, I would give her a number to call that only allows her to leave a message. The facility can call you if it's urgent. If not, you call her when you are available and can avoid all those constant calls. I would not accept calls all day. Maybe, she needs a higher level of care now.

I would also discuss this with her doctor. It sounds like she is obsessing. That can be a terrible and stressful condition. See if it can be treated with medicaiton. If her anxiety is treated, perhaps her constant calls will diminish. When my cousin went on Cymbalta, which is for anxiety and depression, she stopped calling and having anxiety attacks.

If she is that careless, I wonder if independent living is where she really needs to be? How long has it been since she's seen her doctor. How are other aspects of her being in independent living going?

Your profile says she's in Independent Living? Is she getting a high enough level of care?

Have you discussed her agitation and anger with her doctor, or better, a geriatric psychiatrist?

What would happen if you stopped taking her calls, or said " mom, we're not discussing money anymore"?