Mom refused to move to AL, even though her dementia was getting bad, and my sister and I had to do laundry, shopping, cleaning and she wasn't eating or washing. It took 3 years to convince the doctor to evaluate her and report to the IL facility she had Alzheimers. They gave her notice she could not renew her lease and then we moved her because she had no choice. Some seniors refuse to accept their limitations and it makes it really hard on the children. When Mom was 92, driving like a maniac and getting lost, never forgave us for taking away her car when we moved her to AL. Now, at 101, and in a nursing home, she is still saying she can take care of a house and doesn't understand why they can't figure out what is wrong with her so they can fix it and she can go home. It makes us so sad, but she can't even stand without falling so we have no choice. When parents are not capable of making a good decision, you just have to rely on the doctor to help you do what is best for them.
I was lucky, too, it was my Dad [at 94] who decided he was tired of living in that big house and he wanted to move into Independent/Assisted Living. He now feels so much safer, and I am now able to sleep at night :)
helpfulone, I see from your profile that your Mom lives on her own. How often do you go over to help her? What are her medical issues besides depression? Is she mobile? Does she still drive? Still social? What is her age?
If you find yourself at Mom's house on a regular basis, you need to cut back, otherwise Mom will think everything is hunky-dory and have no reason to move.
That happened with my Mom when she was still alive, I was taking my parents to appointments, running errands, getting their groceries, etc. so why should they move. That was my mistake but it was hard to cut back after 6 years of doing this. It took a crises [major fall] which caused my Mom to pass, for my Dad to say now is the time to move.
Very often the primary MD will not want to be involved in the decision making. In our case, mom decided on her own to give it a one month trial. If your parent will NOT give it a try, and they are unsafe home alone, then you pursue a court order to get her moved. The court will want letters from two doctors who are psychiatrists or neurologists to certify her incompetence. They also do a separate interview by a court evaluator and appoint an attorney to represent only mom/dad. This takes months to get done.
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Some seniors refuse to accept their limitations and it makes it really hard on the children. When Mom was 92, driving like a maniac and getting lost, never forgave us for taking away her car when we moved her to AL. Now, at 101, and in a nursing home, she is still saying she can take care of a house and doesn't understand why they can't figure out what is wrong with her so they can fix it and she can go home. It makes us so sad, but she can't even stand without falling so we have no choice.
When parents are not capable of making a good decision, you just have to rely on the doctor to help you do what is best for them.
helpfulone, I see from your profile that your Mom lives on her own. How often do you go over to help her? What are her medical issues besides depression? Is she mobile? Does she still drive? Still social? What is her age?
If you find yourself at Mom's house on a regular basis, you need to cut back, otherwise Mom will think everything is hunky-dory and have no reason to move.
That happened with my Mom when she was still alive, I was taking my parents to appointments, running errands, getting their groceries, etc. so why should they move. That was my mistake but it was hard to cut back after 6 years of doing this. It took a crises [major fall] which caused my Mom to pass, for my Dad to say now is the time to move.
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If your parent will NOT give it a try, and they are unsafe home alone, then you pursue a court order to get her moved. The court will want letters from two doctors who are psychiatrists or neurologists to certify her incompetence. They also do a separate interview by a court evaluator and appoint an attorney to represent only mom/dad. This takes months to get done.