How can I be considered a second contact person for my Mom?

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L

Lyndee Asked January 2016

How can I be considered a second contact person for my Mom?

Currently my 86 yr old mother has only 1 main contact person. This person is also Mom's best friend (her friend is 41). This person does not live here nor is a close relative. I on the other hand lives with my mother and other than when she goes to the doctors or I go to my doctors, I'm around her 24/7.

Mom's main contact person has convinced Mom that she doesn't need any body else to be added to her contact list. She wants to take center stage.

Is there anything I can do that could change this? I really don't want to eliminate Mom's best friend (because she drives and I don't) I just want to be added to Mom's contact list.

This would also help me to help Mom too in talking to the doctors and letting them know what she's doing and saying etc. and ask questions to the doctors.

I am hoping that someone in this group can lead me in the right directions. Thank you in advance.

Elder Law

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score 0 · Answer 1

Well if the daughter is home 24/7 and does not drive, she may have some disabilities of her own. That might explain the friend as primary contact, she is someone who can get to the ER if needed.

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score 0 · Answer 2

PamZimmrrt, I agree; I wondered too about the age difference and the apparent attempt by the best friend to exclude the daughter.

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score 1 · Answer 3

Am I the only one who finds it wierd that an 86 year olds best friend is 41? And does not want the daughter who lives with Mom to know what;s going on? Plus the BF doesn't live near Mom but daughter does? This reminds me of the situation when my MIL was POA for an elderly friend.. whose "neices" came out of the woodwork when friend got dementia.. suddenly friend was paying for casino and shopping trip.. MIL had to pay for creamation and burial..

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score 1 · Answer 4

I have first, second and third tier contacts listed for my parents. If your mother's one contact person was really concerned about your mother's health, she wouldn't object to additional contacts. I wouldn't rely solely on someone who wants to take "center stage."

You're her daughter; you live with her and in my opinion should be the primary contact. The out of town friend can be a secondary contact, but if there's an emergency, what can she do but call 911?

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score 1 · Answer 5

It is totally up to mom. Perhaps this friend has more medical knowledge or financial background? Perhaps she wants someone who is objective and not going to emotionally panic in a crisis? Trust her judgment.

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score 2 · Answer 6

You Mom can authorise her doctors to discuss her medical issues and appointments with you. She must sign some forms at each doctors office.

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How can I be considered a second contact person for my Mom?

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