My mom had over half a million dollars and my brother took it all. What can I do?

Thank you 1RareFind for suggesting the writer SHOULD look into her mother's finances. I am appalled at all the replies saying she should be happy mom is being taken care of by the "church people" in the minister brother's church. That is NOT what she said. I agree she should visit but be prepared for a fight. We tried to get mom and dad to move in with us or nearer to us but their other children swooped in and moved them across the country. I won't bore everyone with the details but can say it took almost $100k to get mom back and poor dad was gone by then. By the time we were able to recover her funds, it was too late to have her moved to a wonderful facility specifically built for Alzheimer's. Thankfully we found a nice place for her when she could not live with us anymore but was part of it about the money? Hell yes! It was HER money and should have been there to be used for her care when the time came. I can tell you it is not easy to get someone to prosecute but it can be done. GCCampbell48 wants her mother just asked how to get her mother back and not a lecture on why she should be happy the "minister" brother took her.

Please ignore the typo, AutoCorrect is at it again! I was trying to say that you may want to check and see if your mom was financially abused. The link below will lead you to a page that explains it as well as give warning signs to watch for
preventelderabuse/elderabuse/fin_abuse

You may want to see if your mom babe I have been financially abused. Unfortunately, this is very common and you must know the warning signs to watch for

preventelderabuse/elderabuse/fin_abuse

Having spent the pat several years as my mother's primary caregiver, I tend to view this writer's complaints with more than a bit of skepticism. At ninety-five, Mom lives in a very nice AL facility less than a mile from us, but because of her dementia, she requires more care than they are able to provide for her there. However, she is happy, and for that reason, I am trying to make it possible for her to remain there as long as possible. It takes some time for me to visit her, do her laundry, wash and set her hair weekly, take her to necessary appointments and on outings when the weather permits, make sure her fingernails and toenails are trimmed, check her mail, pay the few bills that are not on automatic payment, do her taxes, meet with her financial advisor regularly, take our grandkids (her great-grandkids) to visit her whenever possible, buy necessities such as toothpaste, soap, and stockings, occasionally mend her clothing, spend time in the emergency room a couple of times a year, and advocate for her in general. Although this is somewhat time-consuming, and we really don’t travel as often (or as far!) as we would like, I consider all of these things a privilege; I have learned so much about the aging process, and I continue to learn new things daily. However, I have siblings in states thousands of miles away who constantly question and criticize everything I do, though they rarely visit her (once in over three years), and call infrequently. Thankfully, my parents long ago retained a very capable elder law attorney to write their will, in which they designated me as executor, with durable power of attorney, and guardianship should that become necessary. Nevertheless, the siblings, in an obvious attempt to gain control of the money in the estate, tried to have the will changed after our father passed away, and were able, in spite of a very well-written document and a competent attorney, to drain the estate of over $30,000 in attorneys’ fees before the Court appointed me legal guardian of Mom’s estate. Sadly, I believe this happens in many families. I think it's important to consider very carefully what, exactly, one suspects is being handled inappropriately before assuming wrongdoing, and then relate these concerns to those immediately involved. Of course, a good elder law attorney is always an excellent resource.

I can understand your distress. Perhaps you can take stock and ask yourself a few questions before taking action, this might cause you to go forward or to re-think your position, I don't know. What were your feelings when mother moved away from you, did you see her less? How do you feel about her current care situation? Is she living in a senior community? Do you know the costs associated with her care? Is it possible her assets are being used for her benefit, senior care can be quite expensive? When you visit, what do you see? Are you happy with her living situation? Is she properly cared for, respected, with opportunities to socialize? Just some things to contemplate?

My immediate reaction to this is that it is spawned from jealousy. This could be seen as a complete blessing. The brother is handling everything. There is nothing that suggests criminal activity yet a sibling is making the accusation. Just because the money was depleted from the account is not in itself a crime. You can take legal action and request an accounting of her finances. A POA does not provide legal opacity. There are laws to protect the elderly from being cleaned out. BTW, in California you can get POA at a local copy shop or postal annex. All that is required is a Notary Public so an attorney is not always involved in the process.

This happens all the time---I don't get from your OP what your relationship with mom was like before this happened. Were you caring for her? Was her house something she could take care of? Did she willingly and with mental ability give him POA? ( Who had it before this? Was it a change or a new thing?)

I hate to say, but sounds like you are a little more interested in the money than in Mom. I hope I am wrong.

In most families there seems to be one person who takes on the lion's share of care and the other sibs are kind of in the wind.

It's good that she has so many people watching her-are you worried that she isn't getting good care? Your post leaves a lot to the imagination.

You can definitely contact a lawyer and try to peel the layers back on this onion--but if brother took the money and it's gone and if your mother knew about and was OK with it..doubtful you'll get far with an investigation. To prove she wasn't of sound mind a year or so ago would be nigh unto impossible to do.

Why don't you go visit and see for yourself. Talk to your brother. I'm sure he has reasons for doing what he did, and I'd hate to condemn somebody on face value.

When I hear questions like this I am reminded of what I have lived and seen happen in so Many families! Parents need care. Or a disabled child in a divorce. The majority of time it falls to one of the family doing while others complain, accuse and whine. Then they show up a few minutes to visit. The parent or child is so glad to see someone else they tend to complain about caregiver. I would have chopped off my right arm to have the support system your mom and bro have. Bottom line is she safe, happy and well cared for? No amount of money can do what a visit from family can do......or the moral support to those with the responsibility. I pray you keep this issue from her and wait till she passes to take any legal action. Visit! All the money in the world will not bring her back. Unless you feel she is really neglected and unhappy and see it I would suggest you move on....

Assandache7 - yeah.......these aren't the droids you're looking for

Is it just me or does this question sound familiar?

I recall brother being a minister..

I'm moving on..

How do you know how much money she had before?
How do you know how much money she has now?
Who is accountable for the discrepancy?

Take the evidence for your answers to those questions to the police, to APS or to an attorney according to the severity of the situation they describe. Your brother is not obliged to provide information about your mother's finances to you, but he must be able to account for his use of POA to the appropriate authorities.

First, as Windy as asked above, what is the physical and memory condition of your Mom at the present time, and what was it back when she signed a Power of Attorney? That information would be helpful.

Usually an Attorney will not allow a person who doesn't understand a legal document to sign it. Or was the POA off the internet and your brother filled it out?

What condition was the house in? Usually elders are happy in a house even if it is falling down around them, thus don't see all the repairs and updating that is needed. Was there an Appraisal done, or at least 3 Realtors giving their professional opinion, was that how you knew what the house was worth?

Or was the house sold "as is", thus finding a cash offer has it advantages such as quick settlement, no Appraisal costs, and no repairs needed to be done by the Seller if a certain loan was to be used. Did your brother sell the house on his own?

Actually it is great that your Mom has what sounds like full-time care from the people at the church. She is safe and being well cared for, right?

You said you want your Mom back? Does that mean you would take her home and become her 24/7 caregiver?

Unless you have some good evidence to take to the police and the prosecutors office there's not much to be done. If he is using her money for his own use its a criminal act. You should consult an attorney. Your moms mental state could an issue here. Is she incompetent?