How can I help prepare my mom for transfer from home with caregivers to nursing home?
she is 94. she is flourishing here. i am afraid she will decline there. she will be leaving our beautiful home and garden of 50 years. i appreciate any suggestions. thank you very much.
About a year ago I was having problems with the home senior care service I was using for my mom, age 89. Not communicating changes, sending a supervisor out without letting me know, things like that. Overall, the helpers are great, but the constant management issues have me wondering if I should switch services. Or maybe I am just expecting too much. The latest happened today when I found out through the daytime caregiver that a supervisor had been out to reevaluate my mom's mobility because the overnight caregivers - one in particular I think - had been saying that she is up more at night. If the caregiver hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known anything. I immediately called my contact person who said, yes, she knew the supervisor was going out to reassess my mom, but didn't realize she had to let me know every time she visited - or apparently that there was a concern about her status! So...I am left in the dark that there is a concern with a change in mobility and that a supervisor has gone out to evaluate. After grilling my contact I found out that the supervisor found everything status quo. Bottom line: no one tells me. I have tried every way I can to emphasize communication, and I put up with a lot for the sake of my mom, who reasonably likes her caregivers. Do I continue to just suck it up, no matter what, or do I consider that there may be an agency out there that is more responsive? On paper, the current agency continues to look the best and I really don't relish the prospect of interviewing and bringing in a whole nother agency. I am just tired of apologies and excuses - almost passive aggressive - from the current one. What do I do?
If she is flourishing where she is, there is no reason to assume she won't flourish in a new environment. Nursing homes are not typically dungeons that bring on immediate depression. I assume you have chosen this place carefully and it is a good fit for your mother.
I think this is not a time for all new room decor. A familiar bedspread, pictures on the wall, a favorite chair all will be comforting. Get a new spread next year if she wants to change things up a bit -- for now the key word is "familiar."
If she has a collection of something -- teacups, dolls, unicorn figurines -- there probably won't be room in nh. But you can probably figure out a way to display one item, and to rotate the entire collection through that one display as you visit.
Some places, especially assisted living, suggest not visiting much until the person settles in. And this probably works best for many people. Personally, it seemed to work fine for my mother to be visited by one of us every day. You'll figure that out when the time comes.
As for preparation, we told our mom about it the day before she moved. She has dementia and a long anticipation just wasn't a good idea. I don't see dementia in your profile. Is your mother aware of this move? What is her attitude about it? Would she like to help you pack things up, pick out what to take, etc.? Or would it be best to have her room all ready without her participation? These are things only you can decide based on your mother's outlook.
The transition can be a little tough, but an elder who is still flourishing will probably continue to take an interest in life. She'll make new friends. She'll have choices of activities and entertainment. We are surprised at how well our 95 yo mother is thriving in her nursing home.
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I think this is not a time for all new room decor. A familiar bedspread, pictures on the wall, a favorite chair all will be comforting. Get a new spread next year if she wants to change things up a bit -- for now the key word is "familiar."
If she has a collection of something -- teacups, dolls, unicorn figurines -- there probably won't be room in nh. But you can probably figure out a way to display one item, and to rotate the entire collection through that one display as you visit.
Some places, especially assisted living, suggest not visiting much until the person settles in. And this probably works best for many people. Personally, it seemed to work fine for my mother to be visited by one of us every day. You'll figure that out when the time comes.
As for preparation, we told our mom about it the day before she moved. She has dementia and a long anticipation just wasn't a good idea. I don't see dementia in your profile. Is your mother aware of this move? What is her attitude about it? Would she like to help you pack things up, pick out what to take, etc.? Or would it be best to have her room all ready without her participation? These are things only you can decide based on your mother's outlook.
The transition can be a little tough, but an elder who is still flourishing will probably continue to take an interest in life. She'll make new friends. She'll have choices of activities and entertainment. We are surprised at how well our 95 yo mother is thriving in her nursing home.