My father passed away Dec 25, 2015 from Advanced Alzheimer's and my mom doesn't even want to try to start healing and to make matters worse my youngest brother (the baby of the family and the favorite) who is estranged from his wife moved in with her a month after the funeral so now she is taking care of him and has had time to herself to figure out what she wants to do.
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mom's gonna dote on her son . its biological and you may as well work with them .
Unless she has health problems, let it be.
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Two weeks after my Mom passed, my Dad [94] decided he was ready to move to Independent/Assisted Living, and the first place he looked at he signed on the dotted lines. He was so happy to move out of that large house with all those stairs [he's a fall risk]. Now he is grieving at his own pace, knowing he is in a safe place.
I think part of it depends on the age of the spouse left behind. If you Mom is only in her 60's or 70's, she needs to be around her girl-friends who will help her through this, not be around a grown child who has resorted back to being a child, since you said she is taking care of him.
That's an, um, unexpected way to look on it. It makes me wonder if you're concerned about his hampering her recovery, or her becoming too dependent on him, or a bit of both, or what?
In any case, assuming that your parents were married for a long time, I agree that this is too soon to expect her to be forging ahead with her new life. It has taken me nearly a year to get back to anything like normal after caring for my mother, and I would think your mother's sense of loss and disorientation are infinitely deeper.
People need to grieve on their own terms, period. No one should be assessing grieving time and trying to rush it.
Instead, focus on supporting and comforting her, and let her know that you're available for her when she needs to cry on your shoulder or share her grief.
If anyone tried to "motivate" me after my mother and sister died, that person would be told quite frankly that my grief is none of their concern if they're not going to be supportive.
I also wonder if you're completely past grieving for your own father; I would think that 3 months is much too short a time after losing one's father. I know it would be for me.