What to do? My dad is obsessed over his checking account. Over the last year since we've discovered how bad his condition was we've had to make several changes with him and with that came adding a lot of complexity to his "cash" locations. We still have the account in his old state but created one in the new state in which he's living but need to wait for some auto-deposits to move over before getting rid of the old account. Also, we've created an Irrevocable Trust and most of the money he expected to see in his checking account is now residing there.
Anyway, every day he looks at his check book and starts asking questions. I try to walk him through the storyline and by the time I finish, wooosh brain-reset, and he starts asking the same questions again.
If I keep repeating the cycle this could literally go on for hours. If I ignore him or try to divert him he gets very angry and will literally start yelling at me.
I'm going to try writing all of the answers to his questions down and putting them in a 3 ring binder so when he gets in this cycle I'll point him to the binder. Any other ideas?
5 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Unfortunately he will never get it .. and never be satisfied. So take the easiest route on yourself.
As for practical matters, finances, house hold stuff, I don't even ask. Anything that is suggested, carpet cleaning for example, dad will say, oh I just had that done THE OTHER DAY. Everything was just done the other day. But the other day was 20 years ago. I make up,some pretty good tales to get stuff done. Mom can divert him a little but she's not very good at fibbing. She thinks it's too dishonest. Fine. But to get things done you have to do whatever works. Pick your battles. I couldn't come up with a scheme to replace dads filthy old recliner. We argued a little and I dropped it. If he doesn't mind the disgusting thing what do I care.
ADVERTISEMENT
I wrote a quick, 4 page description of what's going on and handed it to him a couple of times to read. Due to his quick memory reset he sat there and read it and read it again and again ........and then just asked all of the questions again like he hadn't read it.
The sad part was that in my explanation of what was going on, it became apparent to him that he was losing his marbles and after he read it, he became very depressed. I think just telling him what he wants to hear is the best thing and easiest on me so I'll go with that.
Again, thanks for your responses.
You could try writing things down, but with my cousin, that never worked. She would forget to read it or if she did read it.....it didn't sink in. She would just continue asking the same questions.
The one thing that did and does still work with her is that when she is ever troubled (often she doesn't know why) I just tell her that I've already taken care of it. I tell her that I've made some calls, signed the papers and it's all now resolved and that we are now ready to celebrate. This satisfies her and brings a smile. She thanks me profusely and we move on to another topic. She doesn't do this much any longer, but in the early days she was more concerned about some things, most imaginary or things that she could not verbalize.
If your dad is obsessing, anxious or aggressive, I would discuss medication with his doctor. If he feels more content, he may not obsess about the bank statements so much.