How did my husband know he was not going to make it through the night?

Bspires -- Although I don't know how youre husband knew he would not make it through the night, I can tell you that my husband's death took place under similar circumstances. He was 76 and confined to bed in a nursing home following a fall there, where he broke his femur. He ate almost nothing. He never asked to come home, but one day he said calmly, "If I can't come home, I want to die." I told him that I wished I could resume caring for him at home, but at 83 I could no longer do that. Two weeks later I received a call at 10:45 p.m.rom the NH, telling me that he had died in his sleep 15 minutes before. I think some people want to die and/or know they are going to die. I don't belong to a church, but I do find help in free daily emails from griefshare

It must be so hard to lose your spouse after so many years.

I know that the hospice in my town holds a free grief support group that accepts anyone, whether or not they used that hospice. Look for a grief support group at a hospital, maybe, or try to locate one through the local senior center. That's a place where you can cry all you want and no one will point and stare.

I'm sorry they didn't call you back about the counselling. It stinks that they didn't get back to you. I bet you are kind of depressed, and easily discouraged. The Area Agency on Aging in my area has a social worker who would probably be glad to help you find someone, and follow up with you to offer support until you have someone to see.

I guess that you are a private person, and don't find it easy to ask for help. Could you call on a friend to help you make yourself push past defeat to get a counsellor? Do you know any other recent widows? I mean in the last 5 or 10 years. You can probably find someone who can relate to your experience and share hers, which would be good for both of you.

This is a trick I learned to prevent crying, and a Japanese woman explained to me that it is well known there. If you find yourself about to cry, force your face into a smile. For some reason, the pressure of the smile muscles makes it easier for the tears to dry up. I'm all for crying, but it can be embarrassing to be "out of control" when you don't want to be.

The night before my mother died, at age 80 but sort of out of the blue, I had a long conversation with her. She talked about people she had known for years, reminisced about making our halloween costumes, and in general, wrapped up her life to her satisfaction. She didn't say it herself, but after I hung up, I thought, "She could die right now! Her life is "complete" and she is satisfied with it."

I was shocked to get the call the next morning that she had passed. But I knew she was ready - not pleased, maybe, but ready. And I knew that she was spared a long painful decline. That made it easier to feel that she had made a graceful exit, that she didn't feel great distress.

Bspires, check out the Presbyterian churches for grief support. I attended a support group a number of years ago at the Presbyterian church. And tge large majority of people there were not members of the church. They came from every denomination imaginable. If you think about it, the support groups would have a hard time getting enough people interested if they were closed to non-members. Check it out.

I am sorry. I meant to say thank you for ALL of your responses and kind thoughts.

Thank you both for your condolences. I appreciate your kind thoughts. He was not distressed when he made that comment. He said it as calm as anything. i tried to get into counseling but they never called me back. I just miss him so much and want to be with him. I do not belong to a church. And feel embarrassed when Ibegin to cry in front of anyone. So, I just stay home and cry.

bspires, I am so sorry. I wish you had asked him, too. I had a friend who died back in the early 1990s. He talked of how a man came to the door and waited for him. I wondered if the man was an angel or messenger come to take him to the other side. I've often heard that many people know when the end is near. Some people say they see or talk to loved ones who have died or they see strangers standing near them. It sounds so peaceful when death comes like this.

I too, am sorry for your loss. Sometimes whith death coming some just know. Sometimes they are wrong, though. With a broken neck it is not too surprising. Maybe he just did not feel right and knew something was different.

Bspires, just take it easy on yourself. Had he said the same thing before? If he was like my mom she would passed many times. Realize that he is in a better place. If he was not distressed when saying this he was ready. Find a grief support group for yourself. Many churches have them. There is no better therapy than to talk to others going through similar experiences.

I am so sorry for your loss and wish I had answers for you. Hopefully someone on this forum has some information to share.