Mom NOT dying?

Hadnuff, Sorry for your loss, as your mother has passed. Even though it was so very hard on you, and it was your mother's time to go, it is still a loss, and there is to be no guilt on your part. When I say, sorry for your loss, it is just what people say when there are no right words.
Hoping now, that every day brings you something to be more joyful and appreciative about. You deserve better for you!

Barb, do you see the MD, Psychiatrist, ???

Get in touch with the office, and get something for you. You. You. You. If you are calm, and the doctor can put you together, you're going to be able to cope.

If you continue in panic mode, all you're going to do is CRASH AND BURN.

We don't want that to happen.

Take ♥ care ♥ caregiver ♥so ♥ that ♥ you can ♥ give ♥ care ♥

♡♡♡M88

Barbara. in my limited experience, no one is really "good" at telling how long someone lives. Hospice folks are usually better at this than anyone else. Keep breathing, honey!

This is a roller coaster. It's draining. The hospice place just called. Said mom got settled in. But had seizures. Had to give her meds. Said doctor there thinks she only has about a week to live. But yesterday two hospital emergency doctors told me mom might not live through the night. And the nurse today said she woke up from being unconcious and asked where she was and why? How well do doctor's really able to predict when death will come?

Barbara

Dear Barbara; I feel your anxiety bubbling up.

Call the hospital social worker tomorrow and tell them that if mom survives this bout of pneumonia, they should know if advance that she can't return home since neither she nor your brother will allow outside caregivers in easily and that this may have led to her recent decline. And that you are interested in, if she lives, getting her into a good nursing home.

Mom's assets are in a special needs trust for your brother, yes? If her income is too high for Medicaid, you may need to visit an eldercare attorney to create a Miller Trust to put the overage into a pooled income trust each month. Google Miller Trust.

You can do this, honey. Hugs and good thoughts for you and mom!

Hadnuff - once your mother pulls through this health crisis I imagine she will be returned to rehab. If she requires the level of care a nursing home provides a doctor will have to order it. I'm no expert but I think you'll find that the cost of AL and NH are often comparable, and if anything a NH can be the more expensive. But I guess it all depends on her level of recovery.

Barbara. You say you're the one who has to arrange for care, hospital bed and so on. Please read this carefully: it isn't only that you do not "have" to do those things - where is it written that it must be you? - it is that it is actively unhelpful and needlessly complicating for you to do it. You're not there, you won't be there, you're not the operative person.

How wide is the door to the room? Where are the electrical sockets? What's the distance from the front door to the room you plan to use as the bedroom, precisely?

What I'm getting at with those and countless similar questions is that the people who are going to set up support for in home care for your mother NEED to liaise with the person who is at home. Whether he likes it or not. Yup - over to your brother. Meanwhile, you should be working on your anxiety and ask your husband to take you to visit your mother. I'm sorry she's landed in hospital, and I hope she's comfortable and feeling well cared for.

Take care of yourself. Let the professionals take care of your mother and deal with your brother. They'll cope.

They have just accepted her in the hospital hospice program. Her worst problem is low breathing. She might have pneumonia. Everyone says might. Other than that if she gets stableized she might be close to what she was before. I don't know. I'm guessing. If she needs too much care for home , her own home, i will have to start looking for nursing homes. She cant afford assisted living. But has way too much money to get financial help or go on medicade.

Barbara

Hadnuff - since your brother lives with your mother he may have to be the one who says he can not care for her properly at home - otherwise they will probably try to send her home, hospice or not. If your brother is unable to do that due to his social disorder you may have to get yourself to the hospital and advocate for him and your mother - that she be placed in a long term care facility. I know you have issues with driving but given the importance of your mother not returning to live with your brother - could your husband take you? Or a friend? Even hiring a car and driver could be a way to get you there. Since you are only an hour away it would not be astronomical expensive. The cost would be worth it if you can get your mother into long term care. Having a full staff of professionals looking after your mothers care will surely lift a huge weight off of you. I honestly think you would be more effective in person rather than trying to explain your moms at home care situation over the phone.

Hadnuff, home, home where. Is she to return to her own place, as surely that isn't going to work! There must be a long term In patent hospice program somewhere that will take her! This sounds like way to much for any one person, to manage on there own, even with Hospice, as they aren't there 24/7! I know this as we had ou Mom hoe with hospice for 5 months, and with six very involved siblings, and even then, it was not easy! Don't let the hospital bully you into brining her into your home, if you don't have a fully supportive team of family, and volunteers willing and able to assist you, around the clock! You will soon find yourself fully burnt out, and facing your own even more severe health crisis! Keep your head on, and be firm! Take care!

I am the one that has to arrange for care, hospital bed, etc. Wouldn't be so bad if I had not been stressed out for a few months already. And the big thing is my anxiety disorder. It complicates everything in my life. Brother says he doesn't know what to do and wants me to take care of everything. He doesn't want to talk to strangers. I may not see mom but have been on phone with her every few days for years. I'm the one she turns to for most things in her life.
Got a call from hospital she was recommended for in patient hospice. Till they manage her symptoms and send her home. With in home hospice. If she gets accepted that is.

Hadnuff - try not to stress the stuff that you can't control and doesn't effect you first hand. Sorry - I don't mean to sound harsh but you don't live with your mom and only see her a few times a year under usual circumstances - why stress where her bed is? What does your brother have to say about all this?

Hadnuff, I'm sorry you are being put in this predicament. Can't you not tell the hospital that you are no longer capable of caring for your Mother at home, yours, or hers? Then, the social worker would find placement for her, if she should ever leave the hospital again. Or maybe she could be placed into a Hospice facility, if they feel that she is that close to dying. Please stand up for yourself, and tell them how uncomfortable you are with the possibility of her coming home!

Sometimes details of previous posts elude me. (NOT that my memory is getting worse, of course.) Could you explain why your mother will be returning to your care when she leaves the hospital?