Long story short, my mother is in that space between where she needs rehab or possibly a personal care home. She is in the hospital now and if she can get some rehab my hope is she can come back home and be functional a few more years. The Occupational Therapist agreed with me, but the doctor is leaning toward home health care. Bottom line! I can't stay home with her 24/7 and she can't afford a personal care home.She'so not eligible for full Medicaid because she draws $1200 from her social security...the limit is $1010. Her supplement cost $220 and her dentures are $177 per month. Where will I find any personal care home for $800 per month. This is a nightmare...any thoughts? Much appreciated.
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Was Mom married to a veteran who served even one day during an authorized war? Did not even have to serve IN the war....just be active duty. If so, there is a VA benefit called Aid and Attendance that she might qualify for too. With Medicaid, generally speaking, a diagnosis of dementia means an automatic approval for help from them, even if it's not full Medicaid coverage, it would cover her rent in a facility because of her dementia. Is she moving into a personal care home that eventually would accept Medicaid? Please look into it, as it just doesn't make sense to me that she would not qualify for Medicaid, based on what I went through qualifying my Dad.
My situation is different, but way of explaining was similar. My disabled brother's potential for rehab help was real, but along the way was dismissed too easily within the system because I called it "potential" - rather than "need". Sad thing, I really talked like that after being brought up to be both scrupulous and polite - so I was brought up to minimize any demands on anyone, so it seemed more honest for me to try to explain all the reasons to aim for positive potential - not realizing that the healthcare system is made up of so many rushed people, that what they needed to hear was "the bottom line": is this necessary for safety or not?
When I was so busy trying to be polite and explain, it got me credibility at times, but did not the help I was seeking, for professionals did not want to put themselves on the line until need was proven, so only after things deteriorated as I was predicting, and I investigated nursing homes, and found one that was on flat land so he could walk outdoors still - it was finally clear he needed to live in a nursing home - and he went there without ever getting at home rehab help. Usually, the time of hospital discharge is the best time to advocate for help that is needed, for there is a discharge team there who will back you up, but that is only for short term care.
I think you need to change your language, and if the real situation is that she might recover at home, with ongoing OT help - then state it as a need, and don't just step up to say you will do all the home care she needs, when you really need help at home to do so.
I found later that in different healthcare systems, clients received 24 hour care even, within his former residence - but learning the requirements of each and explaining over and over, is not just exhausting, but time wasting as the person deteriorated while I worried for several years. So DO, tell your hospital discharge people that you CANNOT provide safe care reliably for your mom at home, she needs more help than you are able to give. And let them fight for the right level of services. Don't be afraid to be firm, it really is the only way to get through. When my brother was in the nursing home, I tried to tell his MD that he needed a diet nutrition plan, to stop the weight gain clearly creeping up. I know my brother and he craves support and a plan - and would have been grateful but basically reliable with any plan reinforced locally - but the MD and the nursing home kept "informing" me - that healthcare system has no plans available for weight loss in nursing homes, only weight gain plans. I was tired of arguing and explaining what he needed by then, after years of struggling to first understand the system and then advocate for him - so I let it go. Five years forward now, I hear "obesity" now listed as one of the primary conditions on the same MD's report, for my brother's brain injury with balance and mobility issues are much harder to deal with, because he has so much weight to balance as he gets up more rarely and he falls fairly often when he turns too quickly, using his rolling walker.
There may be long term options around the money issues, but it's amazing how professionals find many options, once they have accepted the definition of a need. So I really recommend from my understanding, that you are clear about your own schedule unavailability's, and talk in terms of known risks - realize that gaps in your abilities are not flaws, but the real situation, and even home care help need to be trained by OTs and that your mom needs this help.
pay for if nothing else