How do I begin the process to become my senior parents' caregiver?

Likely you mean the early stages of Alzheimer's, JMart6963 . By 85 about half of elders are in cognitive decline. . As was mentioned by others, if you don't have all of the legal papers in order then this needs to be done before they are unable to sign them. You need a Durable Power Of Attorney for health care (health directive) and one for finances. Hopefully they have also made out a will.

Considering their ages and the fact that they are both showing signs of dementia, I'd start looking at care homes that offer different levels of care so that as they become more disabled by their AD they can move to a memory center.

With two of them in this shape, I can't imagine that you can handle this on your own. Moving frequently can accelerate dementia, so try to make a decision that will last the rest of their lives if possible.

Please check back with us when you can. We'd like to know how you are doing.
Carol

JMart, how old are you? Are you setup for your own retirement? Like Ambriel said make sure all of their legal documents are in order. Learn about dementia by looking online. Google Teepa Snow. She has many youtube videos. At 89 I would not call this early onset, that happens to people much earlier in their lives, before 65 is the measure used, I think. Definitely 89 is late onset.

Think very seriously about whether you want to do this, more important is if you are able to. Do you have your own financial business straightened out? Do you have the sort of personality that allows you to be patient in the most difficult of situations? Dementia is a progressive disease. It may seem like an easy task now, but it will become more and more difficult. If you see them living in a facility in the future you should consider moving them now. It is much easier to move before the dementia progresses to where they cannot make sense of anything. Often times a move will cause a sudden drastic decline that they may or may not recover from.

Think very seriously whether you are able to do this. Forty percent of caregiver pass away before the one they are caring for partly due to the stress.

To start, you need to get a Power of Attorney. Do it now, before the dementia gets really bad. Get a handle on all the bank accounts, insurance documents, medicare, supplemental insurance, etc. etc. etc. There are so many scenarios out there based on the circumstances, but the POA is a must to work toward getting everything in order. Nobody will talk with you about their affairs without it.

also get POA Healthcare for those needs and draw up a care agreement if they are still capable w/the dementia which requires a trip to an eldercare lawyer if available.

One thing to think about as we prepare our own documentation. What would you want to do for your own children is only one of them stepped up too provide care for you? I would want to pay that child the going rate for caring for me at home. I will spell it out in my POA when I get it done. That is of course if the funds are there which is very questionable at this point. And I would not want any of my kids giving up their lives to care for me, my mom would not have wanted that either. I really felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am happy I care for her and L for those four years, and it just sort of happened that way. I think now, that twisteds hoped I was financially exploiting my mom and L and their call to APS was a way to get me to leave or maybe even have me jailed. Then I would be out of the way. But, leaving would have been the worst thing I could do; talk about looking guilty!

Carol said that so well!

There is a list of the 4 legal forms you need to have in place, check out the article on senior home search net, under 4 forms every adult should have. You can do most of the work at your home computer and then see a notery to finalize the forms. It is important as was stated to do this now before dementia gets any worse. You should also draw up a contract with them if they are going to be paying you for care. Just google care contract and you will find many examples to follow, again you do not need an attorney. No having stated that if your parents have a lot of money then yes see an attorney to structure things correctly. If they dont have a lot of funds you can take care of these forms with just a notery. Carol's suggestions about looking into care homes for the future is great advice. At their age things can change on a dime so you need to be prepared for every possible outcome. Start a file, keep reciepts and records in good order. If dad was a vet, you can apply for benefits once they actually need care. Read read read this forum is a great place to get info.

ramiller, I get POA, Medical POA, Will, is the care giver contract the 4th?

The forth form every adult should have is a living will. This is sometimes included in a DPOA form however many times it is not. It use to be called a DNR however the new forms are much broader in scope, allowing a person to make known their end of life wishes. With dementia on the rise it is so important that Every adult over 18 have these forms in place. They can always be changed as people move in and out of ones life but no one of of us can tell when we may need them. If you PM me I will share a link that explains them all in detail. If i post the link here they will remove it. I feel so strongly about the importance of these documents that I am preparing a series of talks for senior centers to help people become informed.