I go to all of my MIL's appointments with her. She is in independent living with extra home-health support. She has been hospitalized twice for kidney-failure brought on by dehydration. She is currently physically healthy, but recently had a mammogram to check out a breast lump. While at the radiologist, I realized that if she had been diagnosed with cancer, treatment may not have been the best option at this point (and she still could make the decision at this point.) I want to have a conversation about how she would make decisions about things like dialysis or chemo, not just DNRs. (We are both her designated POA, but I take care of her health for the most part.) What resources should I seek to help me with this conversation?
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If this is cancer, the doctor should inform her of the need for this document. So, if she won't open up to you and get this started, then send the doctor a message that she is balking at the idea and she needs his or her input.
The fact that she's had serious health issues before should make it obvious to her that she needs someone to speak for her even if it's for a short time. Make it plain to her that she can change the document at any time but that everyone should have this done.
If you and your husband haven't had your own health directives drawn up, you could let her know that both of you are doing this and she could go along with you if she'd like.
Good luck to you. I hope that you'll check back with us when you have time.
Carol
I would read as much as possible. You can research on line like "dementia end of life decisions." I think the Alzheimers site has a lot of information.
You might also look at Palliative Care. Which is keeping the patient comfortable, without a lot of tests and treatments. My research provided me information about how the American Cancer Society stand on cancer screenings for people with terminal illness like Dementia. I'd read a lot about the myths and facts of tube feeding and artificial hydration and how CPR may be quite harmful for a terminally ill patient.
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developed by a fellow geriatrician who has done a lot of research on advance planning. It is free online, and uses videos to walk people through the important issues they should consider.
Another one I like is the American Bar Association's Toolkit for Advance Healthcare Planning. It's a PDF workbook; I recommend printing the whole toolkit and helping your mother go through it.
americanbar
A third option is the Conversation Project's Starter Kit. This is less comprehensive than the other two, but better than nothing:
theconversationproject
Last but not least, you can try 5 Wishes, which creates an advance directive valid in 42 states. (costs $5 to buy/download the form or do it online) agingwithdignity
Now is definitely the time to help your MIL think through these issues. Good luck!