What does one say to mother (91) who only says she wants to die?

My mother used to do the "I'm going to die" thing. My response? "Yes you are, we're all going to die some day". A narcissist, she was just looking for attention and gave up in the end.

The honest answer is , I don't blame you for wanting to die. There may not be much reason for her to continue. I don't want to live to 91. Unless you're one of those freakishly active oldsters who still skydives and does calculus for fun 91 sucks.

Be honest. I love you mom but can't say as I blame you. We'd all miss you. Hope you hang around......

If she is 91 and has dementia, she probably does feel that her life is over. We can sympathize with her. We can also sympathize with you, because there is really nothing you can say to make it right. I guess the best response is yes, life can get rough, but we make the best we can of it. I doubt that will help her feel better, but you will know you're trying.

As sad as it is, I think I would be tempted to not answer the phone if she calls many times each day. Does she remember that she talked to you already? If she doesn't, maybe she will not remember that you didn't answer the phone. Having to talk to her often must take all the energy out of your life and worry you half to death.

Some elders just hate the thought of getting older, they can't do the fun things they use to do, they can't drive and go to the store on a whim, etc. I would be grumpy, too.

Either just ignore her when she says "I want to die" and move onto another subject.... or play along asking her what outfit does she want to wear for her funeral, who should you invite or not invite, what music does she want, etc? Another note, maybe she wants reinsurance that she isn't going to die.