What is the criteria for determining when it is time to move from assisted living to memory care?

You are never premature to add a name to the waiting list of a popular facility. Heck, I have even thought about getting my name on it. ;-)

Thank you both for your responses. We don't want to move MIL if possible, especially to a different facility. Family has talked about putting her on the list for memory care, just didn't know if we’re being premature or appropriate. Will discuss with ALF. Thanks again for your help!

The ALF told me when it was time to move my dad to a memory care facility. They made that decision after he started wearing his Boxer shorts and cowboy boots to the public areas and dining room.

If the facility she is currently in are still willing and able to care for her needs, I would strongly recommend you leave her where she is.

If she is not on an antidepressant, you might ask her doctor about it. Also, I heard there is medication that will reduce their anxiety and angry eruptions.

Lastly, even if she is not ready for the memory care facility, you may want to have her added to their waiting list. Each time they have an opening they start calling the people at the top of the list to see if they are ready to move in. If they are not, the leave their name at the same location on the list and call the next name, etc.
So, even if she won't need to move for another 2 years, you will have comfort in knowing you will already be at the top of the list.

Aria, your description of MIL is of a person who has dementia. That she was a manipulative person before the dementia is just a bonus! :)

Coping with a loved one who has dementia is highly challenging, whether they are at their own house, your house, or a care center.

I'm glad to hear a doctor will be seeing her.

jeannegibbs, thank you for your insight. She's not a wanderer, though she threatens to go for a long walk and not come back, I really believe it is an empty threat she uses to get attention. She calls me all the time crying, saying she wants to die and fly away. There is a long history of manipulation before the dementia.

There is a memory care unit in her ALF but it is full and there's a waiting list. We know there are people in the facility that should be in memory care but they are on the wait list. MIL has only been there 3 months, probably should have been there a year ago, but she is still able to dress & toilet herself. She is assisted with showering because she wasn't doing it at all. She has no concept of time, will phone people at all hours & when you tell her the time was not appropriate, she thinks it's funny and laughs. She keeps going down about an hour early for the supper meal and they turn her back until her time slot. She still does this almost every single day. Even if she was scheduled for the early sitting she would still show up too early.

It's the recent mental change that is what has us concerned - seeing this other lady in her suite now that steals her stuff and wears her clothes, the agitation and anxiety she has all the time now, about everything. There's a doctor appointment booked and we've asked for a meeting with the people that deal with her at the ALF as we need advice on how to handle these recent changes. We're confused about a lot of things going on with her. What she tells us (that she stays in her room and cries all day) is not what the ALF tells us (that she is out and about and talking to people quite a bit). She also consistently tells one family member that things are great but she tells us she is crying all the time. So which is it, what is the truth???

It's as if she needs something to occupy herself with, yet she can't focus on anything for more than a couple of minutes, if that. She doesn't want to do anything anyone suggests, won't give anything even a try. Her friend brought her an adult colouring book and asked her to colour with her and she wouldn't even give it a try. She has to be coaxed & convinced to go on the facility's group outings, yet she will easily go out with family members. It seems all she wants to do is to sit and talk on the phone all day (when she's able to figure out how to use the phone, that is). She doesn't know what season it is, either.

If MIL were wandering -- leaving the premises alone, for example -- or if her behavior was very disturbing to other residents, then she may need the security of a locked memory care unit and/or the higher level of supervision.

But you don't mention these issues. What kind of additional care does her increasing symptoms require? Does her present AL offer those additional services (at additional costs)? Is she still able to perform activities of daily living?

MIL needs a new level of care when her present situation cannot meet her needs. Then she needs to be in a care center that can meet her needs. That may be a memory care unit, or it may be a nursing home.

My daughter works at a very nice ALF that has just expanded its memory care unit. But within the regular units more than 50% of the residents have dementia. The ALF is able to meet their needs.

My mother is in a nursing home that also has a memory care unit. Mom has dementia but she is not a wandering risk (she's wheel-chair bound) and she is a pleasant person who does not disturb the other residents. She is not likely to ever need the memory care unit. But she couldn't get by in ALF because of her immobility and inability to toilet herself, get to meals on her own, etc.

Where ever she is, perhaps MIL would benefit from some treatments to reduce her agitation and anxiety. Has this been discussed with her doctor?

I guess what I'm saying is that not all persons with dementia reach a point where they need memory care. Some do. Others don't. Does the AL your MIL is in think they can no longer provide the services she needs?