I am co-trustee and successor trustee of my father's living trust. I also have full Durable Power of Attorney on all of his finances. My parents choose me to do this because they do not trust my sister, which this question is about. In the trust, my father has named me to receive his checking account which he lives off of. My sister has been named to receive his 2 bank CDs. In the trust, I have been named to receive one of his retirement accounts and every month my father receives disbursements of about 800.00 from this account which is deposited into the checking account. Whenever my sister and her 2 adult kids ask him for money, he writes them a check from his checking account. He has told her in the past that the money they receive is from her inheritance and NOT a gift, but he never goes to the bank and withdraws the money from the CDs. My issue is this, he is giving her money from the account meant for me which also includes the disbursements from the retirement account I am going to get, so she is actually getting money from my 2 accounts. The approximate amount of money they have received combined is about 65,000.00. My sister in law is going to receive an account that was meant for her husband, my brother who is no longer with us, and when she asks my father for money, he goes to that bank and has the money taken out and sent to her. I feel that my father might think that either it's too much trouble to take it out of the CDs, or he thinks that somehow the money from the CDs is magically deposited into his checking account, or that he thinks this account is named for my sister. I need to talk to him about this. In all fairness, I feel that the money needs to be paid back to me from the CDs. My father has dementia with substantial memory loss and in the beginning stages of alzheimers. If I wait until my father passes and tell her that she needs to reimburse me when we go to the attorney to distribute the accounts, she will not write me a check for that amount.
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I have heard about a guardianship, I will look into this. Thank you.
GardenArtist
Thank you, I am going to call an estate attorney tomorrow. You are correct, there is friction between my sister and I, a lot of it. I know that I shouldn’t be so open and honest here but it will explain the friction. She basically looks at him as a bank, she lives far away and comes to visit him once every few years, she does her duty of visiting him, then leaves, but it isn’t sincere, it’s like she’s just going through the motions. Last year when he had an accident that could have killed him, he is 87 years old, I spent hours in the emergency room with him, I told her the next day and her response to that was basically no big deal because he didn’t die, she didn’t call him to check on him for 2 weeks. I am not close to my father, growing up he ignored me, he has never told me that he loves me or showed affection, I do not feel love for him. I do everything for him (grocery shopping, taking to doctor appointments, errands), she does nothing for him, ever, doesn’t even know who his doctor is or care to find out, yet he seems to value her more and he doesn’t show appreciation to me for what I do for him which makes me very angry. I made him stop driving last year due to his alertness level. I have to move back in with him in 2 weeks, giving up my independence, I’m resentful because this is not my voluntary choice, I have to due to his cognition and memory changes which is caused by a medication he was on for almost 20 years. I was extremely close to our mom, she experienced a life changing/life threatening event 16 years ago that caused her to become disabled, she passed away 9 years ago, my sister was not close to her and I was the one who did almost everything for her that my dad couldn’t do. She thinks my dad is a pushover and knows he will not deny her money. When our mom was still with us, she never asked for money because she knew she wouldn’t get any but as soon as she passed away, my sister asked my dad as soon as she could. He won’t turn her down because she is his daughter. She has never once told me thank you or showed any appreciation for what I did for our mom and what I’m doing for dad, which is another cause of friction. Even though my dad acts the way he does toward me, I would never steal from him.
I didn’t take your observation as an insult.
I do acknowledge that there may be an issue with your father having allocated specific funds for each of you but now distributing them in a manner contrary to that allocation. However, I also think this is a real "fine tooth" hair splitting legal issue as to whether the maker of a trust can distribute his assets in a manner not entirely consistent with the trust, the issue being I think whether or not an amendment or restatement to the trust should be made. This is a question I can't answer - it's one for an estate planning attorney who handles trust management.
The fact that your father has dementia complicates the issue, but as I see it, unless you become successor trustee at some time other than at his death, it's still his choice (albeit it misdirected) to handle his funds in the manner he chooses, again, subject to the issue I think is one for an attorney.
Honestly, it is somewhat saddening to read of the concern that you're being unfairly deprived of intended assets. I get the impression there's friction between you and your sister, which is always sad to read about in families in which a parent is suffering from dementia and sliding toward the end of life.
That's not an insult, just an observation; there are so many posts here by people who are more preoccupied with what they're going to get when someone dies than the loss of that parent - it's really kind of sad.
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