I am a woman (65), no income, trapped with care of narcissist parents, one with dementia. How can I get away before I die from abuse?

It is now June, 2016.
Please comeback and let us know how it is going for you today.
All hopes for a better life for you!
It is not too late, it is not over yet!

I'm your age. If it was me, I would NOT go for guardianship. Like Dadscaregiver says, you could be stuck taking care of them until they die. Let the state take over their care. I'd notify your local Area Agency on Aging and let them know you're leaving and your folks can't be on their own.

I'd pack up and move to the nearest larger city with mass transit. I'd sell my car (and do away with the car and insurance payment). Get a roommate or two and get a place, or get a room in a house. Get your name on a waiting list for subsidized housing.

Consider restarting your cleaning business - even for a couple of years, to build up your confidence and get some money to allow you some breathing room. Join meetupdotcom in your area and make some new friends. Or join a faith community or go to the local senior center to meet new people. Get involved in activities you enjoy doing. You can get back to being the person you were when you were on your own and healthy.

Please come back and let us know how you're doing. You can DO this!! You've already survived the worst that life can hurl at you - now you're on the road to healing and health!!

Dadscaregiver1 -- good advice. I will do that. Thank you.

You must start making plans to get out of there....and soon. I would not get guardianship as this could make you responsible for their actions and if one of your parents was injured you could be held liable. Please check with an attorney about your liability under guardianship.

you need to get away from them. Call the local area on aging - let them know your parents will need attention & MOVE. Look into low income housing/ senior housing through your local community. GET OUT.

Angelcw, Staceyb, and cwillie -- thanks for your replies. To answer the questions you brought up -- I live in a cottage on the property. I do get SS, but it only covers my car payment and insurance. Why am I here? I left home upon high school graduation. I did not plan to marry then, but due to my parents moving to another state, they said because I was 17 years old, I either had to come with them or marry a boyfriend I had been seeing. I chose the boyfriend. From age 17 until age 60, I was either married or living a normal life on my own. I had little contact with my parents during that time and that contact was not always bad. I guess human nature is to want your parents' love believing that it might be somewhat different since so much time has gone by. It is not different -- it is far, far worse that even I remember. I know I need to get out -- absolutely no doubt about that at all. Because of family dynamics over the years, I learned it was a waste of my time to ask anyone for help of any kind, so that is a real challenge for me to do so. I have 2 brothers and I have contacted them. We are having a conference call this Saturday to see about getting a guardianship as neither parent is of a healthy mind able to make decisions of any kind. They won't volunteer to allow this -- we will have to go against them in court and not one of us is looking forward to that. My two brothers and I are the survivors of the family. Our youngest brother died a year ago January of a drug overdose. He could never get over the continued abuse they dished out to him so he turned to drugs. The brother who died had three daughters and my brothers and I thought maybe they wouldn't have the money to pay for the cremation , My dad says, "Well, I'm not paying for it," in the ugliest possible way. People say, set boundaries. There are just some people -- like my parents that to even try that -- which we all have, sets off a firestorm of hatred like you wouldn't believe. My brothers and I feel at this time that we need to turn it over to even the state if we have to. Dad is 93, a WWII veteran and mom is 88 with vascular dementia.

At 65, you are eligible for SS, and /or are already collecting it, so perhaps you should find a low income apartment to move to, and caregive from a distance. There is no way you should be living in this situation. Try calling your Area on Aging, as every state has one, and they can help you, onece you've explained your situation, and help you to help your parents find the nessesary care they need. It's a start.

This may be a stupid question but...knowing how bad your history, why in the world did you agree to this in the first place??

You have to get out of there. NO ONE deserves to be abused. Next time they say...we never asked you to come...say ok then, I'll be leaving...and get out of there!!!

At 65 you should have your social security income, and you should qualify for low income housing. Get on their radar immediately!

Angel

You say you are on their property, does that mean you have a separate residence or are you actually sharing their house? I can't imagine why you ever thought this would be a good idea and it is obvious it has not worked out very well for you. At 65 you are a senior citizen so you should be able to get into subsidized housing, put your name on the waiting list immediately. Plan on a nice long holiday over the summer, do you like camping? If you are contemplating living in your car then it should be a step up from that to actually get in and drive it somewhere far away from your parents.