Should I be more assertive with my mom?

I wonder the same thing about myself and my situation. I am not assertive, and at one time reasoning with my Mom kind of worked, now I find being evasive and redirecting the conversation works better as far as avoiding emotional upsets.

I appreciate your answers. It helps. She is a very independent lady trying to hang on to it. I will do whatever it takes when I know the time is right.

I've said this many times before on this forum, some may not agree, but I have found with my dad it's best to not discuss anything beforehand or ask him if he will do such and so or agree to this or that. It's just impossible. He is very typical of dementia folks, everything is just fine, don't need any help, the 40 year old sofa is brand new etc. Neither do mom and I discuss finances, bills or any paperwork with him.

I have become a world class actor and fibber. The home care nurse is an old girlfriend. I went to high school with the carpet cleaner. Sign these papers dad, in case anything should ever happen........My moms still pretty sharp but my acting skills have gotten so good that she is also fooled most of the time.

My point is, do WHATEVER it takes to make things happen. Some say they just don't feel right about fibbing to dad or mom. Fine. Then don't expect to get much done.

And remember, no short term memory can work to your advantage. My dad has blown his stack a couple times over me talking to his doc or finding out I paid a bill. But wait about an hour.....Never happened. Clean slate.

Cheleigh,

It sounds like you have the situation under control as much as you are able to. You can't force your mom to do anything right now. You can't physically pull her from the bus. And you're right, you're waiting for a crisis so you can implement some change in your mom's lifestyle. Many of us have found ourselves in the same situation. It's very difficult. Hang in there.

Thankyou Windyridge. your answer is helpful. I have access to her bank account so I can keep an eye on outgoings and pay her bills. She forgets though so have to make sure I get her bills online so they are not being paid twice. I know I have to wait for a crisis, so that's hard.

About right now. I take it she's still on her own with some help. If you have POA you can try to get her cooperation in letting you take over bills and such. If she's stubborn about it try fibbing a little and get some stuff done for her own good. If this is hopeless you either have to wait for a crisis, hospitalization etc
To force the issue with in home help or care facility. The last resort is filing for guardianship but that's not always so easy. Rember, with dementia no amount of reasoning is going to work. Do as much as you can in any way you can. But sometimes we just have to let things run their course in these situations.