When my mom dies, who do I have to tell?

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cisca247 Asked May 2016

When my mom dies, who do I have to tell?

I have cared for my mom for 9 almost 10 yrs Im the 7th child out of 8. The rest are to selfish to call or write or anything at all. when she dies I have no intention of letting anyone of them know, Don't care how or if they ever find out. I don't have anything nice to say to them. Don't plan on trying to ever see them again. What can happen to me if I dont say anything and just let them find out on facebook, newspaper, If they cared they would have been there I would have to say anything I feel if you wanted, to know they should have been involved, they weren't so Ill wait for them to ask they haven't asked in 9+ yrs.I know they don't plan on being asking anytime soon and my feeling don't care. Dont have anything at all nice to say to anyone of them oh ya I'm the youngest of the girls and I have 1 younger brother. The rest are all older. I have no respect at all for anyone of them. I shouldn't have to ask them to help me do anything as far as my mom is concern they should have been here they should have called they should have done something anything all this time. For all of them to have disregarded her in this matter, I pray for them They will be in the same place one day, What goes around comes back . Honor thy Parents, Its not hard to do, just do, When my mom ask me to come help her she was getting her 1st hip replace in 2007, I didnt think twice about it I was able to, So I moved in with her and her 2nd husband , All I knew was I needed to take care of both of them so I went into auto piolet I didn't understand a lot of things but as time went on I have always been a hands on kind of person , Her husband passed away in 2009, So Its been just me & my mom. she has had 4 more joints replaced giving her a total of 7 both knees ,hips, shoulders, 1 elbow, I have learned a lot from her, taking care of her I left home at 13. I didn't get to spend time with her , so All this time I have gotten to know her and I am so greatfull that I have been given the opportunity. And I know I am a better women for it. I know that how I feel about her other children is taking away from the time and energy I could use in growing I'm hoping this helps me put my feelings away so I can go forward in life, But its been eating away at me, The hardest thing in all of this is seeing my mom wanting them to care to visit, she still has unconditional love for them no matter what knowing she is hurting kills me ,I'm the only one she sees and I'm doing everything she has gotten to the point where she selectively cant hear me, I repeat things so much I don't want to hear it.. So I write it down so I don't get upset, I have thick skin,But my hair is on the thin side

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score 1 · Answer 1

Thanks to all for the Hugs, This was the first time I have EVER said anything out loud. Much thanks

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score 1 · Answer 2

book, it is so typical for those who have done the least to want to take over a funeral and go all out to in my opinion relieve their last minute feelings of guilt.

cisca, your hatred toward your siblings is not hurting them at all, but it is hurting you. Seek to let it go since they have chosen to do nothing. Otherwise, holding on to resentment and anger is like drinking poison. You've done well land did what needed to be done. Take care of yourself.

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score 1 · Answer 3

I don't know about that I don't like the word Karma and sometimes it comes back on you I understand where you coming from I totally do I came from family at 12 and I took care of my dad no my family didn't come to see him very much but hate is a strong word to use I learned in the five years I took care of my dad I was angry at my family butt the good Lord said that I was doing a blessing I didn't ask for any rewards of taking care of my father matter fact if you read back on my post I went through a lot I ended up being his dpoa but I lost it because family was angry at me but it didn't do them any good things still didn't turn out the way they thought it would be I kept on doing what I was doing I did what I had to do I couldn't sit around and wait to see if they're going to come and see him or not I didn't worry about it but karma has a way of getting around and trust me it got them but it wasn't by me hating them it was by me doing what I had to do to take care of my father I never hated my family I was disappointed but I never hated them because I knew sooner or later God will see it through and he did so you think getting back at them and telling them nothing about your mom's passing if I were you I would think about that because their day is coming

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score 1 · Answer 4

Did you at least one time asked each one of your siblings for help throughout the years? I know with dad and I, we took care of mom for about 23 years. During that time, we have repeatedly asked for help from my siblings. Until we got tired of asking. Like dad said, it sounds like we're 'begging' for help every time we have to ask and ask and ask. In the end, we stopped asking. Like you, I think they don't need to be asked - especially when we have asked them about it before. I have concluded that my siblings prefer to lie to themselves. They prefer to think that Dad and I are handling it well between us. And that if we need their help, we will ask for it. (And not receive it, anyway.) When mom was dying, I was debating if I should tell my siblings. I agonized over this. But my conscience had me telling them. It was up to them - whether to come home or not while mom was still alive. I did my part by telling them that mom is dying.

When most of my siblings arrived from the states, we all agreed that since mom's siblings visited bedridden mom not over 5 times in 10 years, that we will not tell them that she's dying. If her 6 siblings here on island could not find the time to visit their sister at least one time a year, then they're not really interested in her true health. Mom died. And then SIL called our cousin that she's closest too - and told her to spread the word. That was it. We didn't call the aunties and uncles.

You should have seen how the aunty and the uncle tried to hijack mom's funeral. Sis and SIL fought hard to maintain control. They weren't around for their own sister but wanted to go all out on mom's funeral?! I don't think so! We kept it simple.....

For your mom's sake, I would ask your siblings again to come and visit mom. You don't have to talk to them. Send them a text or an email. Then it's up to them whether they come or not. Keep the text and email as proof that you invited them to visit mom. In the end, at least you know you tried to honor your mother's desire to see her other children. You tried. You take care...

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When my mom dies, who do I have to tell?

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