How to let go of resentment against husband that doesn't sympathize with my difficulties?

Freqflyer- no, I get that. My first marriage was h3ll on earth. We lived together for a year before we got married and he was great. My mom use to say that "he could charm birds out of the trees". Almost immediately from the time we married he changed into a completely different person - a real monster. I use to hear people say that that happened and think "oh come on, you just chose not to see it but it was there". But then it happened to me - so yes, that definitely can happen. It took me three years of living with my wonderful husband before I'd agree to marry him and was able to build back a little faith and trust.

I didn't. We are about to celebrate our 28th anniversary. My husband has hardly changed in all that time. He has been supportive. In his own way. Except where it comes to mom. But this year a couple of times when I was real upset with mom he was suportive.

Rainmom, some of us get caught up in the "bait and switch" where the person we are dating is delightful and charming, but once under the same roof turns into a spoil brat :P

I can't remember who and when - it was a long, long time ago - but someone said to me "never get involved with a man planning on changing him". I have followed that advice all my life - not that I alwsys made good choices. Has hubby always been this way? I'm very, very lucky with my hubby - he is a wonderfully thoughtful, generous man. But it wasn't all luck - I was 35 when I met him and in "screening" the men I dated I considered not only my needs but the needs of my seriously disabled son - and I think that's what paid off in the end. But, water under the bridge - your husband is who he is and who he always was. Focus on the reasons why you picked him and accept what's missing unless you're willing to scrap the whole thing and start over. I accept that my husband just doesn't see what needs to be done around the house on his own - but anytime I suggest he run the vaccume he is more than willing - and that's good enough for me.

Hadnuff, I know what you are going through... my sig other has the attitude "your parents, your problem" but he would help out 20% of the time, leaving everything else for me to do.... no wonder I am so exhausted, grumpy.... :P

I would love to hear from sig other "is there anything I can do to help?" instead of me begging him to help me carry something heavy from the house to the vehicle so I can take items to be donated. I know he's not a mind reader, but give me a break. If he can follow sports teams, he should be able to follow what is happening in my life.... [sigh].

Have you told your husband specific things he could do? When I'm stressed, my husband suggests a spa visit - because I rarely go and when I do - I come home and blah blah blah about how wonderful and relaxed I feel.

I have found that if I give him some specific tasks that would help - he is more than willing to do them, just didn't think of on his own. Right now I'm working crazy hours at work and am bat - sh%t crazy. But he is more than willing to do more on the home front - but I have to be specific. "here is grocery list - can you run to the store?" stuff like that. Maybe try this? Good luck to you. Just don't do what I did, I was stressed and crabby and my husband said "I'll take care of son - go get a massage" and I blew up "I don't have time for a bloody massage!" - not helpful all around

Have you told your husband that you feel that he's not being supportive enough? When you say you're stressed out and he suggests a bubble bath do you tell him that a bubble bath is not what you need? That what you need is more support from him?

You may have to show him how to support you. He may have absolutely no idea what you're asking of him. Give him the benefit of the doubt and help him learn to be more supportive. Tell him what you need from him. Be specific. If we don't communicate our needs we can't expect others to meet them.