Mother getting nasty all the time and aggressive. What should I do?

Oh I suggest a big hug for her and some sympathy...distract her with current news, tell her how you feel and don't take it personally....regroup your thoughts, take a deep breath, tell her stories from your childhood, have her tell you about her growing up, her favorite memories, her vacations, rub her back, ask her why she is upset, show her compassion, get some respite care for you to get a break, call an elder care counselor hot line to help you, pray, talk with a pastor..take care of yourself and get out. Hope any of this helps..caregiving is no picnic, I have an adult daughter with CP..she has many other medical needs, she's wonderful but a lot of work...for me and my husband, family, friends help some but not enough, and the care won't end until she or/and I pass..Life is what it is...do the best you can, get help, get out, take care of your self! No one else will..

give her a bath wash her hair something to help her feel human. fresh air. take her some place where she can ride her scooter with freedom. like a casino

Dad developed bipolar disorder concurrently with dementia.My sister and I were in deep denial,"he's not bipolar"---oh,wait---Mr.Nasty and Jolly Jim! He is bipolar! Psych meds,once titrated, worked miracles. Our sweet Southern Gentleman Dad returned.It was really rough before he was correctly diagnosed---my sister avoided him as much as possible and I fought with him,then avoided him as much as possible.It took us awhile to click...I've been told latent problems can come into bloom once dementia descends;failing that,suspecting medication side effects is a high probability,too.My bipolar version father knew just where to slip in the verbal dagger---don't feel you are a failure if you react---almost impossible not to react.There may be a solution if your Mom gets assessed by a neurologist/psychiatrist and it is a correctable problem.You have my deepest sympathy---been there!!

Good grief, get this woman some anti-anxiety meds!

Debbie, Mother has always been averse to taking any medications and prided herself on only one prescription, her thyroid medication. I was concerned as well because often elderly folks are given meds just to keep them sedated or which can cause psychotic episodes. Mother has been given Prosac (fluoxentine)) and Donezepril (a low dose. A higher dosage caused vomiting although would have been a better dosage). Neither of these drugs have interfered with her functions or activities. She is doing so much better than before.

Catneal, I also thank you for that story. It is a doozy. It is also what i experienced. I used to be nauseous on my way to visit my mom because Inever knew what she was going to throw at me or what she had been up to---the other residents were telling her to call her lawyer (ha,ha, I made sure she had no phone...tee,hee).

Once she got the right meds--problem solved. Amazing!

Can you tell me what kind of medication?
Thanks, Debbie

Cat, thank you for taking the time to explain what you and your bro went through, reading that I cant help but think how others will be helped by knowing medication can make all the difference in the world. Its not always the answer but many many times it is.

After my father died two years ago, my mother insisted on living on her own (at 86) in Florida. We know that she was having minor memory and speech problems but she insisted. As time wore on it became more difficult for her to do the daily household activities such as writing checks to pay bills or do minor maintenance on her house and she would cry to live part time with each of her children, my brother and me. Since I live in a national historic city and resort, she wanted to eventually live here but really wanted to be with my brother in Ohio because he caters to her craziness. She became very hostile to me when I went to Fla to bring her here last summer so my brother came here to pick her up and take her to his place. Apparently she made his life h3ll with her insistence that he fulfill her every demand at the expense of his wife and son. There was no pleasing her and her demands changed each day. He took her back to Fla to sell her house and set up her moving arrangements.. Her idea was to bring her household items here and put in storage and look for a place but return to Ohio to stay with my brother because she liked him better (I am too bossy) and had told her I could not find any senior living places in my area she could afford and she would have to live with me if she locates here. When they arrived here and my brother took her to numerous prospective properties only to find that nothing exists here that she can afford, she lashed out at my brother and he threw up his hands and announced he would be returning to Ohio the following day but without Mother. He had enough abuse over the months and was sorry for me but he was leaving her in my hands. The first weeks she was here she became a witch, verbally accusing me of forcing her to live here and not taking care to find her proper medical care and not taking her abstract physical conditions ( which change daily) seriously. This person was not the mother I had known all my life but an alien being who could not remember the names of her grandchildren or her address, phone number or birth date. I did find her a doctor who has taken her seriously and put her on anti-depressants. Mother is back to her old self and is a pleasure to have here with me. Of course, she still has memory and speech problems (aphasia) but even those ailments have improved since being on the medications. Sesame, explain her behavior to her doctor and see if she is a candidate for medication which may improve her disposition.

First thing...check her medication. My mother had a terrible reaction when we increased her Aricept. She was mean, hateful and actually hit and threw things. We added Namenda and reduced the Aricept back down and she's her sweet self again.

My mom needed more meds. It worked! She is now a puddy-tat.

There wasn't enough info given but my mom had 4 girls and one son. She never got real mean but believe me my brother was the one . I was middle child so I took care of him and my youngest sister. I took care of them when they were little while mom worked. Then he got out of school and got a job but I still helped him with different things .He needed help with getting groceries and reading his mail, etc. I myself love him to death and am so proud of how he has not let blindness make him a cripple. My mom adored him over all of us but her last days I helped her until she past away and him as well. I had to demand help because I could not do it all by myself and my younger sister starting helping with him which was a blessing. My mom couldn't let go until while n hospice and I guess u would say coma like from meds, he said mom I will be alright and that she didn't have to worry because he had me.
I had always felt like she didn't really love me because Steve and my little sister was always right and first but one of the nights when I was n the hospital with her, she called my name, my name three times. I said its me mom. She opened her eyes and said she knew who I was, said"I love you" and kissed me and went right back n her coma like state. It was such a blessing that was given to me!
At the end of the day Your mother in her heart may very much love you because you are her one of her babies! Was she always that way to you.
I pray that this turns around for you. I just believe her behavior is something she may have no real control of.

I hear ya. My mother is living with me and is mean and spiteful towards me and even lies or exaggerates about me to get attention from other family members. My oldest brother is the golden child he can do no wrong. I do all the work, no good deed goes unpunished. But it's always been like that in my family but got worse after my father died and my mother became a needy and now sickly person. I have three brothers who are free and happy, and are judgemental and criticizing of me but do nothing to help me out!!!!

Another thought: It's called "husband lite". The honor usually falls on the oldest son. Son not daughter, no matter how much the daughter is taking care of her. If he is not around, then she will think you are keeping him away. If he is around she will smother him so he will want to leave. But maybe she will bribe him with money or comfort items. Maybe you can make her happy by talking about your brother alot. If your brother is dead and she has memory problems, you can tell her he will come over this afternoon. Is there a stand in? A male neighbor or relative?

Ditto, more information needed. Does she have dementia? If so, that is sometimes the cause, or frustration because of loss of health or independence. Or it could be a physical problem. Was she always like that?
My mom was the gentlest person in the world. But, as she aged and when she went into AL, she was very depressed, and her dementia was worse and she knew it. Eventually, in her frustration she struck out at my sister, got more argumentative. They put her on antidepressants and it helped her a lot.
When this kind of thing happens, it is not unusual that the anger is taken out on loved ones.

Yes,more info please!

Sesame, we need a lot of information in order to help you out. Where is your mother living? Is she with you, or your brother, or on her own? What are her medical issues? Mobility issues, memory issues, etc? Why is she obsessed with your brother?