My mother is 98 years old. She can't see, hear well or walk. She doesn't have Alzheimer's, but she does have mild moments of dementia where she sees things and talks out of her head. We have overheard conversations and have had others report to us that my sister is trying to talk my mother into changing her will and leaving everything to her. She's gone so far as to call attorneys to see if they would come out to the house to have her sign the paperwork. My sister is a part time caregiver for my mother and my brother is the other. she lives with my mother and has a full time job, but she does not contribute financially to the household. I and my two other brothers handle any major expenses and home repairs. She lives there free of charge and will continue to live there for free if anything happens to our mother.
Right now, our mother is in no shape mentally to be signing any legal or financial papers. We feel my sister is trying to bully our mother into signing things over to her. She's already taken the jewelry. Now she's trying to get her to sign things over by threatening not to do things for her. How do we go about making sure this does not happen? I live out of town and she is the only one that lives in the home so she is doing this behind our backs when we are not there. My mother has been clear about her wishes for years. She is in no shape to make those kind of decisions now.
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And you mentioned others are telling you what you sister is doing. Who are these "others"? Friends, relatives? Who are they talking to to get this information? Are they talking to your mother? If this information is coming from your mother, please please note that with memory issues there are stages, and one stage is telling stories that aren't true just to get attention.
As for the jewelry, how to do you know you sister took the jewelry? Have you seen it missing from your Mom's room? Maybe your sister placed it in a safe place because Mom was giving away her jewelry to other people [again, this is common with memory issues].
Your sister could be totally innocent of all your charges.
Also I would install a "nanny cam" in your mother's house. This will give you first hand knowledge about what your sister is doing. You might think that is too expensive or too complicated. But with your mother's condition and you are not there, you should know what is going on in your mother's house 24/7. A nanny cam will also show you if your mother is wandering at night or if your sister is allowing strangers in the house.
I provide caregivers for those with memory loss. I soon will insist that new clients install a nanny cam before we start working with them.
Good luck. You need to be vigilant about your sister's activities.
I think it would be helpful to spend a few weeks substituting for your sister so you know exactly what she's going through. Let her take a vacation.
Until someone walks in the shoes of the live-in caregiver, it's only a mental exercise, not a real sense of what it's like, to imagine how demanding and fatiguing it is.
im the primary care for my parents...7 yrs now. 1 brother did everything he could to block my father from changing his will!! well toooo bad, when my brother stopped coming over or talking to them for at least a year...my father changed the will because he saw me working to care for them 24/7!! SOME CARETAKERS GIVE UP NOT ONLY JOBS...BUT ALL THEIR FRIENDS AND ACTIVITIES TOO! than is not uncommon! so all you selfish, do nothing siblings...hope you eat it when you lose your rights!!
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