A little about Mom. She just turned 80, has mild/mid dementia, she is capable of dressing herself, feeding herself, going to the bathroom, etc. She cannot drive and gets forgetful about things. She has lymphedema in one leg from past cervical cancer surgery which I take care of everyday but still is always at risk of going septic which is life threatening. I have told her many times that if she is not feeling well, she needs to let me know immediately because if it is sepsis, I need to get her to the ER immediately. She has many times even when I am with her, not told me she wasn't feeling well before it got more serious. She is stoic and feels that it is not critical to tell me and somehow feels she would be somehow inconvieniencing me if she let me know. I have no idea why she constantly does this, I have in no way given her any reason not to alert me, as a matter of fact, stressed how important it is for her to tell me right away if she doesn't feel well, even if it's 3:00 am! She say's she will but then if she gets sick and it's 12:30 am, she does not call with the same excuse that she did not want to disturb me. It's making me nuts, she even did this when she was in the same house as I in the middle of the afternoon. Wasn't feeling well, did not tell me, crawled under a heating blanket and put it on high and damn near killed herself if I had not have walked by the room and found her. I am by profession a caregiver and only work part time so I can keep my eye on her but I cannot (and it is not neccessary) to watch her 24/7. This is a very tricky situation because she is still capable of doing many things on her own, when to know when to step in and when to give her independence. She does forget stuff and it seems somedays she is worse and sometimes better but I am always worried I will wake up someday to find her dead because she did not want to disturb me even though I have told her that is why we live together, so I am here if she needs me for anything, especially is she is not feeling well. Anyone else experience this stoic silliness? Is this common with dementia?
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I am so sorry to hear about your Mom, that has gotta crush you to hear her say things like that. I remember thinking after my brother died and Mom was so consumed with grief, I wanted to yell, "Your other children still exist!" But I did not.
I take it she won't take any meds either? Yes I totally agree with you about coming to terms with dementia, that can't be easy and certainly wouldn't give anyone a great outlook but I just show my Mom I get forgetful about things too and she seems to get relieved seeing she is not the only one! Humor helps a lot.
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Since you live in the same home, I'd start a regular program of asking her how she feels. "Mom, do you feel OK right now?" If there's a specific symptom that would alert you to possible sepsis, I'd ask her specifically about that. "Is your stomach upset?" Ask her that multiple times a day and right before bed. Short of implanting some kind of medical alert in her, I don't know what else you could do. I know sepsis can develop quickly, but you can't watch her 24/7. And with dementia, it will only get worse. You can only do what you can do, so cut yourself some slack.